Mrs. Lonely

Ahhhhh. Just found out ANOTHER one of my friends is pregnant. I and my empty uterus feel so alone and barren... 

My Mom

Mother's Day is coming up. I've never really given it too much thought. I love my mom. She knows. We're good right?
Being a mom to 4 kids changes things though. My entire life is dedicated to them; every penny is spent on them, my every waking hour (and at least half of my sleeping ones) are full of them.
My mom had 7 kids. I'm sorry; my mom HAS 7 kids. I can't imagine how she dealt. Well, yes I can actually. She put her life on hold. Raising kids and doing everything she could for them was her life. She was constantly in the car driving us who knows where; probably to a ballet class. Or voice lessons. Whatever it was, it was for our enrichment and it wasn't cheap.
I have a couple of specific memories of my childhood that I'm going to write down. Should I ever be tempted to take her for granted, I have them here to remind me.
The first one is of scripture study in the morning. We sat around the table for breakfast. I can probably count on one hand the number of times I ate cereal in the morning, something my poor kids do every day. As we ate, we took turns reading from the Book of Mormon. We each had our own copy that stayed in the window sill by the table. I've often wanted to follow that example, but I have no idea how we did it. It is a remarkable feat to have scripture study in the morning with the entire family. To have that in a family requires a mother with a strong testimony and commitment to the gospel. She has to care about her children enough to fight their complaining and introduce them to habits that are hard to maintain. I can barely drag my butt out of bed to get my kids off to school. Imagine her dedication!
My next one starts around a kitchen table as well. We had water fights. Someone would throw a glass of water. It didn't matter who started it. Soon everyone would be in on it. The water is flying in the kitchen, we get to the back door, we continue outside. I don't remember cleaning up one single cup of thrown water. Can you imagine letting your 7 children make a bathtub of your kitchen? What a nightmare. She has way more patience than I do!
Lastly, I have Galena. I don't speak to a specific memory here, but to all of it. My parents spent thousands of dollars every year for the experiences we got. We got to travel and participate in some amazing things. I was in the national fourth of July parade in Washington DC one year. I got to go on cruises and perform in a way that usually only professionals get to do. They spent money that they could have been saving for a rainy day. Rainy days are upon all and I don't think my parents regret one penny of it. My mom made spent hours upon hours of sewing to make sure we had updated costumes. She worked her butt off planning tour and working finances to fulfill her volunteer hours.
These three memories are the tip of the iceberg. I chose them because they are examples of specific things given to us by my parents that my mom had a huge part in. She blessed our lives by trying to instill a love of the gospel in us, she let us have fun and be children, she dedicated her time and money to making sure that we had the very best possible opportunities.
My mom continues to do whatever she can for her kids. Her role has changed as we've grown into adults and had our own families, but she is still there for any one of us that needs her. Her role now is taking care of our dad more than anything. How amazing that she has any energy left! I am personally so grateful that dad has her. She is a caregiver like no other I've seen. She loves him so unconditionally that it's enough to make my eyes well up just writing about it.
Her life has been and continues to be her family. What a great example she is to me and all my siblings who were so lucky to have her.

Friends

A friend of mine said to me yesterday: "Thanks for playing today! Hanging out with you makes me feel better and feel like I want to be a better person."

I'm not going to lie to you... I was in shock. Just two minutes earlier my husband had said I made too many sex jokes. (Sorry for the TMI, but we were talking about if our spouses became quadriplegics. Someone said they didn't know how they'd deal with not being able to have their husband touch them. Um... basically, I got described my ideas and how they'd work. Anyone that knows me knows I have a creative mind...)

I digress.

I asked how in the world I make her want to be better. She said it's apparent that the gospel is a part of my life every day and that I renew her desire to grow spiritually. I think that's the best compliment I've ever gotten. This friend knows my life better than most people. She knows the things I'm good at, but I also talk to her about the things that defeat me. She knows my biggest struggles and the things I need to improve. It was pretty amazing to have someone know me so well and see the best outweigh the bad.

It was a good lesson for me. Kyle thinks I give people the benefit of the doubt too much. The truth is the opposite. I'm way too judgmental. Once someone has disappointed me, I tend to dwell and stay disappointed for far too long. The bad darkens my view of someone and who they could be. It is a weakness I've been working on. Heaven knows I would not want people to dwell on my mistakes. They'd never like me! We're counseled to "judge not, lest ye be judged."

Another one of my friends shared a very spiritual experience of hers last night. It was something that had given her peace in her time of struggles. I could feel the Spirit so strong and was amazed at the outcome of a girls' night.

I'm grateful for my friends and the good they bring to my life. In telling me that I make her want to be a better person, my friend has had the same effect on me and I think that's pretty amazing.

Hehe

Kyle was hanging out with Lily on the bed watching TV. I came in and he said "Putian (Lily) is very upset. I don't know why, she won't talk to me."
That's all. I giggled and didn't want to forget that. :)

Men vs. Women

I had a baby 8 months ago. I know that seems like a long time, but it may as well have been yesterday. I'm still struggling with baby fat. Every day I work out; I eat less; I try not to think about food.
My sweet husband on the other hand has been working out to put on some muscle.
I would like to tell you about our midnight snacks. We are watching TV and here's what we're eating:

Kyle:
2 things of Greek yogurt
1 banana
1 ice cream bar

Me:
Carrots

Thank you Eve.

Girls

I see a common trend, one that I am a part of. 3 sons, then a daughter. I have to wonder at the Almighty's plan behind it. Does he give us 3 boys first to get us ready for the madness of one tiny baby girl? Or is it that if we all had daughters first we would have no more children? Certainly if Lily was first I might not have the number I do. She tries my patience and sanity in ways 3 boys never did. Right now I am sitting next to her crib. She is quiet. Because I am within a two foot radius of her. Her face is still splotchy red from screaming. I imagine if someone were to inspect the inside of my head right now the same colors of chaos, maybe mixed with angry black would be all they saw. Gotta go. Accidentally moved out of eye line and set the beast off again.

Teaching Children to see the Savior's Face

I had to give a talk a few weeks ago in church. I didn't want to lose it, so here it is. You don't have to read it if you aren't interested. I don't know that I'd read someone's talk... One of my favorite TV shows right now is the Big Bang Theory. The theme song for the show has a rapid succession of pictures that starts from the Beginning of the world all the way down through modern times. Caleb was by me one day while the show was on and he yelled “I see Jesus!” I had no idea what he was talking about. He was really excited and yelled again, “On TV, I saw Jesus!” I hadn’t even seen it. The images go by so fast I thought there was no way he could even tell what they were. So we rewound and paused several times to get it to just the right image. Sure enough, there He was. I was impressed that Caleb had even known the painting as it flashed by. It wasn’t one he’d seen before, but he could recognize the Savior’s face. We have several pictures of the Savior in our home. Our children see Him everyday as they eat their meals and every night when they go to sleep. They recognize Him, but do they know Him? Christ’s message on earth was to come to him, seek Him, get to know Him, and ultimately to follow Him. We’ve been taught as adults how to do that. We need to read our scriptures. We need to pray. We need to attend church. As parents and teachers, we have been entrusted with the Lord’s children. It is our sacred responsibility to teach them and bring them to the Savior. Joseph Smith recorded this revelation in the Doctrine and Covenants. Speaking of the saints he says “They shall teach their children to pray, and to walk uprightly before the Lord.” This command also comes with a pretty harsh warning. He tells us, “inasmuch as parents have children in Zion, that teach them not to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Jesus Christ the Son of the living God, and of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of the hands, the sin be upon the heads of the parents.” I don’t know about you, but that’s kind of scary to me. The scriptures, particularly the Book of Mormon, are full of histories that outline the importance of properly taught children. The very first verse in the Book of Mormon says “I Nephi, having been born of goodly parents, therefore I was taught somewhat in all the learning of my father.” and goes on from there. Nephi’s parents had given him a great foundation of truth. When Lehi’s vision was recounted, Nephi wanted to know the truth of it himself. From his parents he knew to turn to the Lord in prayer, seeking an answer, and having faith that he would receive it. The armies of Helamen were known for their valiance and obedience passed down from their mothers. Another great example is Joseph Smith. Young Joseph was very much like Nephi; He wanted to know the truth of the Gospel. Lucky for him, and all of us, his parents had taught him to pray. So, how do we, as parents and teachers, bring our children to the Savior? The first and most important thing we can each do, is have a knowledge and love of the Savior ourselves. We need to go beyond a testimony and truly seek to be converted ourselves. Elder Bednar said “True conversion brings a change in one’s beliefs, heart, and life to accept and conform to the will of God and includes a conscious commitment to become a disciple of Christ. Seeking for and obtaining a testimony of spiritual truth requires asking, seeking, and knocking with a sincere heart, real intent, and faith in the Savior. Fundamental components of a testimony are knowing that Heavenly Father lives and loves us, that Jesus Christ is our Savior, and that the fullness of the gospel has been restored to the earth in these latter days.” Once we have a testimony or are converted to the gospel ourselves, we live the principles we know to be true. We becomes examples to our children. They are always watching. They learn much more from what we do than they ever could from what we say. If they see us reading the scriptures, praying, doing our home and visiting teaching, and having charity for those around us, they will see the Lord through us. They will ask us questions, and have a desire to know what we profess to be true. Those are also easy opportunities to involve them. Take them home teaching or let them help in a service project. The more actively children participate in the gospel, the better. Lastly, of course, is teaching. In this most recent conference Elder Quentin L Cook said “Parents, the days are long past when regular, active participation in Church meetings and programs, though essential, can fulfill your sacred responsibility to teach your children to live moral, righteous lives and walk uprightly before the Lord.” And he’s right. The adversary isn’t after our children only on Sunday. He doesn’t take time off from trying to claim our children. Neither should we take time off from teaching them. Family Home Evening, family prayer, scripture study and gospel discussions can’t happen too frequently in our homes. Earlier this week, I had a practice what you preach moment in my home. My children were getting in bed for the night. They were sick and miserable. They wanted comfort and asked if I would read them a book. I had already turned the lights out so I told them I would share a story instead. I didn’t really know the direction I was going to go. Usually I just read them Harry Potter. I thought about what fairy tale I could tell that would help them go to sleep. My stories are generally a little on the louder, more boisterous side, which wouldn’t really help. While I was trying to come up with something, Levi said “about Jesus.” It was very humbling to me having my two year old remind me to teach. I told the story of the Jesus calming the tempest. It was actually really fun to hear my kids’ reaction. Adam had no idea that the Savior could, in his words, “control the earth.” His reaction was something like “woah.” Something I find myself forgetting to do, is bearing my own testimony. Our children need to know that we believe what we are telling them. My husband likes to emphasize HOW he came to his testimony and I think this is a really good practice. As opposed to saying “I know the church is true.” we should be saying “I know the church is true because...” By sharing how we acquired our testimony, we invite others to follow our example in obtaining it. The manner in which we teach our children is of vital importance. At Christmas time I read the New Testament for the first time. During the Savior’s mortal ministry, he spent most of His time teaching the apostles. My favorite apostle is Peter. He reminds me of me. He has to hear every lesson repeatedly for it to sink in. He forgets and he fails a lot, no offence to Peter. Jesus gives him the opportunity to walk on water. Halfway through, even though he is staring the Savior in the face, he has doubts and begins to sink. When Christ is suffering in the garden of Gethsemane, Peter falls asleep. Twice. Worst of all, he three times denies knowing Jesus. Through it all, Jesus is so very patient with him. He repeats himself over and over and He constantly shows his love for Peter. We need to be as patient with our children. They are so little and tender. And their attention spans are ridiculously short. With Easter around the corner, I think of the opportunities we sometimes miss to minister to our children. How often do we trade stories of the Savior for egg hunts, elaborate feasts, or presents? Those of course, are great traditions that we enjoy, but they need to be used as tools to teach and remember. This past Christmas, I did an advent calendar with my kids. This is a calendar with fun things to do every day to really enjoy December. We did fun things like drink hot chocolate, make cards, and watch movies. As I was preparing my calendar, and looking for ideas online, I ran across an advent calendar on lds.org. It was scriptures for every day in December; stories of Christ’s life and ministry. It was a great instrument to make sure our focus was where it needed to be over Christmas. Does that mean we actually read the scriptures every day? Nope. What it does mean is that the few times I remembered, my kids got to learn about Christ. The church gives us access to so many wonderful tools, if we will look for them. LDS.org has all the manuals and ideas we could possible want. There are apps designed so we have learning right in our pocket at all times. if your kids are anything like mine, they can sing you any radio hit you name. Why not put on primary songs they sing along to instead? I also love the Book of Mormon readers. Adam just learned to read and I find him curled up with it more often than I can take credit for. The greatest weapon in our arsenal is, of course, prayer. The Lord is willing to give us help and direction as often as we ask for it. No amount of reading parenting books can give us the same level of knowledge that the Lord can. One of my favorite quotes from conference came from Elder Anderson. He said, "the wisdom of the world, while in many cases very valuable, is most valuable when it humbly bows to the wisdom of God." The Lord knows our weaknesses. He doesn’t expect perfection in our lives because he knows we will come short. Sometimes, I have terrible mom guilt. I see other moms taking their kids to museums and parks and doing activities every other day and I feel like a big, fat failure. If you add the occasional forgetting of family prayer or Family Home Evening to that, I’m all but sure I’m screwing my kids up. The good news is, because of the Atonement, our honest, best efforts will do. The Lord, through His Holy Spirit, will teach our children things that we can’t. He will confirm truth to their hearts. All we have to do is get them to the point where they are open to hearing and accepting that truth. I had an experience recently in the temple. My husband and I were sitting together in the Celestial room, and I got a glimpse of what the Celestial Kingdom would be like. He and I would be together and our children, along with their families, would be nearby. It was such a happy, peaceful feeling imagining all of us there in the Savior’s presence. Until I imagined anyone missing. My spirit plummeted. What if a member of my family wasn’t there? I can’t imagine the heart ache of that. In fact, I sat there and bawled like a baby. My hope for all of us is that we may do our part to bring our children with us. May we give them a desire to know the Savior and teach them how to do it. My testimony is a very simple one. I know the Savior. Though my study, prayers, and mostly, my ever necessary repentance, I have come to recognize His face. King Benjamin said, “I would that you should be steadfast and immovable, that Christ, The Lord God Omnipotent, may seal you his.” I look forward with great hope to the day that the Lord will claim me, along with my children, as His.