You might not think this of me, but I'm a pretty tough gal. I weather trials pretty well. I've felt that when things were tough I've been held together with string and duct tape, but still, no matter what I am put together.
The Relief Society president called me yesterday, said she'd been thinking about me and wanted to come visit. Well, when the lady in charge asks what's happening in your life you tell her. It was horrible! The little things that I normally brush off as "just another trial" all came crashing down on me when I had to talk about them. I'm was all held together, but talking about EVERYTHING right in a row just made it so much harder! I had a small pity party and even cried a little bit. Shame on me. So many people have so much harder things to bear. What's my trials by comparison? I have a great family, I am married to a man that I worship, my children are awesome and healthy, and I have a roof over my head. The rest is just details!
So, I picked myself up and made sure that I am back together again... Two layers of duct tape this time. Strings all double knotted. And just for good measure a little bit of super glue on the top. That should do the trick!
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Welcome back!
I shut my blog down for a week or two. I'll site "personal reasons". Part of it is the fact that no one blogs anymore. Who reads this crap? Just about no one.
But the truth is after a few weeks I missed it. I don't care if no one reads it, I want to vent and rant and celebrate on here. I think a journal just takes too long because I have to write it long hand. This way I can write almost as quick as I can think.
So, here are the things that I've been wanting to write about:
#1. We found out this last week that we are having a girl. Yay! I would have been just as happy with a boy, but I'm more excited about a girl. I look forward to making dresses and headbands and bows and all sorts of crap that look a little silly on boys. I'm excited for something different and I'm excited for what I hope will be a calmer personality than the boys.
#2. I have some drama going on in my life. Drama that I didn't create, but that surrounds me. You know the new show GCB? It reminds me a little bit of the women in my stake. They are so sweet to me until I'm not there. Then they talk about how stuck up I am and make themselves victims of my "rudeness". The truth is these are all women that I've invited over countless times. We've hung out; we've played; I've done their make up; everything was honky dory. So what happened that changed? I guess it can be contributed to our situation. Once we moved into our new apartment we weren't able to host people anymore. Our house is just too small, it's uncomfortable and a little bit embarrasing. My only guess as to the mood shift in my "friends" is that they aren't invited over anymore and that makes them feel that I don't want to be their friends.
You know, maybe I am more standoffish. Sorry, I don't have anything to offer. Try to understand me instead of taking offence. My life is not easy and I'm sorry if I'm not that bubbly. I think if a friend of yours withdraws you should look for the cause and find out what is going on in their lives that is causing them to be unhappy, instead of taking it upon yourselves to judge them and speak poorly. Go out of your way to befriend them and be nice to them.
There is a girl in my ward who is going a little bit crazy. Like ditch your family and live the single lifestyle type crazy. I was told she needs help and friends. Though we haven't been close, I tried as soon as I heard that. Isn't that what you are supposed to do? And shouldn't your friends already know you are having a rough time and be trying to help you?
One of the girls said I took advantage of her. Wow. Worst accusation ever. Because I asked her to babysit once so I could work (for only an hour or so until Whitney could pick my kids up.) And because I used to ask her to drive Adam to preschool. That would have been a year ago. These were both things that I REALLY needed. I wouldn't have asked someone that I wasn't close to for that kind of help unless I was desperate. When Adam was in preschool we only had one car and Kyle needed it to work, so I needed as much help as possible.
That being said, it wasn't this lady's problem. She could have said no. At that point I would have realized Adam just couldn't do preschool. Not the end of the world. I'm perfectly okay with not participating in things when they are out of my reach. I'm not okay however, with someone harboring resentment for a year about helping me and then letting it out to some other girls so that they think I am an abuser of friendships.
Life is just a little bit tough right now. I know people can't possibly know all of your struggles. I just feel that they should give a "friend" the benefit of the doubt instead of ostracizing them.
I am trying to be grateful for my blessings all the time. I know Heavenly Father loves me. I may not be his favorite, but hey, I can't win 'em all!
But the truth is after a few weeks I missed it. I don't care if no one reads it, I want to vent and rant and celebrate on here. I think a journal just takes too long because I have to write it long hand. This way I can write almost as quick as I can think.
So, here are the things that I've been wanting to write about:
#1. We found out this last week that we are having a girl. Yay! I would have been just as happy with a boy, but I'm more excited about a girl. I look forward to making dresses and headbands and bows and all sorts of crap that look a little silly on boys. I'm excited for something different and I'm excited for what I hope will be a calmer personality than the boys.
#2. I have some drama going on in my life. Drama that I didn't create, but that surrounds me. You know the new show GCB? It reminds me a little bit of the women in my stake. They are so sweet to me until I'm not there. Then they talk about how stuck up I am and make themselves victims of my "rudeness". The truth is these are all women that I've invited over countless times. We've hung out; we've played; I've done their make up; everything was honky dory. So what happened that changed? I guess it can be contributed to our situation. Once we moved into our new apartment we weren't able to host people anymore. Our house is just too small, it's uncomfortable and a little bit embarrasing. My only guess as to the mood shift in my "friends" is that they aren't invited over anymore and that makes them feel that I don't want to be their friends.
You know, maybe I am more standoffish. Sorry, I don't have anything to offer. Try to understand me instead of taking offence. My life is not easy and I'm sorry if I'm not that bubbly. I think if a friend of yours withdraws you should look for the cause and find out what is going on in their lives that is causing them to be unhappy, instead of taking it upon yourselves to judge them and speak poorly. Go out of your way to befriend them and be nice to them.
There is a girl in my ward who is going a little bit crazy. Like ditch your family and live the single lifestyle type crazy. I was told she needs help and friends. Though we haven't been close, I tried as soon as I heard that. Isn't that what you are supposed to do? And shouldn't your friends already know you are having a rough time and be trying to help you?
One of the girls said I took advantage of her. Wow. Worst accusation ever. Because I asked her to babysit once so I could work (for only an hour or so until Whitney could pick my kids up.) And because I used to ask her to drive Adam to preschool. That would have been a year ago. These were both things that I REALLY needed. I wouldn't have asked someone that I wasn't close to for that kind of help unless I was desperate. When Adam was in preschool we only had one car and Kyle needed it to work, so I needed as much help as possible.
That being said, it wasn't this lady's problem. She could have said no. At that point I would have realized Adam just couldn't do preschool. Not the end of the world. I'm perfectly okay with not participating in things when they are out of my reach. I'm not okay however, with someone harboring resentment for a year about helping me and then letting it out to some other girls so that they think I am an abuser of friendships.
Life is just a little bit tough right now. I know people can't possibly know all of your struggles. I just feel that they should give a "friend" the benefit of the doubt instead of ostracizing them.
I am trying to be grateful for my blessings all the time. I know Heavenly Father loves me. I may not be his favorite, but hey, I can't win 'em all!
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Speech
Levi has been behind in most areas of his life. He needed help walking and playing correctly. Who knew there was a wrong way to play? We had his speech evaluated this last week just to make sure he's on track. Good news! Not only is he on track, he's a couple of months ahead in some areas. Yay, Levi! I'm so proud I could cry. It gives me a headache though so I'm not going to.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Turning 15
14 weeks is the beginning of the second trimester. It is supposed to be the most restful, easy period. When I hit 12 weeks I felt optimistic. I knew things were gonna get better.
13 came and went.
14 came and I was sicker than ever. I couldn't make breakfast fast enough. If I tried for anything other than cereal I ended up throwing up before it was done being prepared. Dignity went out the door; I threw up at work. One day I coughed and pancakes came with it. Why? Who knows.
This baby hates me.
Here's to a much better week 15!
13 came and went.
14 came and I was sicker than ever. I couldn't make breakfast fast enough. If I tried for anything other than cereal I ended up throwing up before it was done being prepared. Dignity went out the door; I threw up at work. One day I coughed and pancakes came with it. Why? Who knows.
This baby hates me.
Here's to a much better week 15!
Monday, January 23, 2012
Re-cutting the cord
Levi was sick all last week. It was miserable. He barely ate, he slept 20 hours a day, though never at night, and he never left my lap. We took nice naps together. The house feel apart. We watched tv together. The house fell apart a little bit more...
Levi is better now. Well, he isn't sick. He doesn't want to walk. He has reverted to crawling. He doesn't want to leave my side. It's very sweet to hold them all day when they are sick. In fact, I kind of love sick babies. But holding them 24/7 when they are healthy is a whole different matter. my house needs me. The laundry cries in crumpled agitation. The dishes reach the sky.
Today I put Levi in the hallway and shut the door. He was not a fan. Oh well, sometimes you gotta cut the cord. Again.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Things that ail us
A lack of kidneys,
A plethora;
Some of the things
That could ail ya.
A baby inside
That makes you sick,
A heart that hurts
Every third tick.
Maybe you're broke
With no daily bread,
Or your boss is a jerk,
Or you can't get ahead.
We are a sorry
Sickly bunch.
But misery loves company;
So I'm pleased as punch!
Friday, December 16, 2011
I'm ashamed
I have failed big time at keeping up the blog. I started a job about 3 months ago and it has kept me busy. Any free time that I have is spent... Well if I had any free time I could finish that sentence. 3 kids + a man-child husband + a job + Adam's school + Levi's therapy + laundry and other house crap = absolutely no free time. I have so many things I need to do.
How I would love to put up a Christmas tree or scrapbook the 400 pictures I printed recently or even take a nap. Nope. Never gonna happen. As it is this entry is being written only because I am on a two day vacation to Utah. Kyle's friend got married this morning and we have a little bit of time before the reception. I've had 3 free hours today. Who knew it was possible?
Then it's go go go. Back to life. Back to the grind. Back to insanity. I don't recall a time in my life where I've felt quite so burned out. It would probably help if I liked my job. This wasnt supposed to be a depressing post. I'm not depressed. I'm just BUSY!
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