Talents

I am a woman of many talents. Scratch that. I am a woman of many interests. As to how talented I am... Well, I would say that I fall between a 2-6 on a 1-10 scale for most things.
Cooking - 2
Scrapbooking - really depends on what year. Somewhere between a 6-7
Sewing - 1.5
Blogging - depends on your criteria. I fail at putting up pictures, but I'm pretty consistent at least. 5-7?
Mothering- ask me tomorrow.
I like to think that reason I don't excel at any one thing is just because I try to do too many. Oooh I forgot
Piano playing - 1
Conducting primary singing time - 8. (that's right! Little people like me.)
I have tried crochet, candle making, and very soon I look forward to getting a 0.5 on gardening. Heaven forgive what I will do to those plants. One of my very favorite hobbies is writing. This is probably why I'm above a 2 on blogging. I love to write. If I had any idea how to get started, I would try to be an author. I don't know what I would write about. I've considered it before, but I just can't think of anything people would be interested in reading. I started with writing poetry, as I think most teenagers do. But instead of emo, black nail polish poetry, I write flouncy, bouncy silliness. I guess that is what inspired this whole post. I was recently looking through an old folder of stuff and I found one of my very favorite poems. I wanted to share it here. I know it's silly, but it's one of my favorites. (yes, even though it involves swearing!)

Magic mirror on the wall

Magic mirror, on the wall,
Am I pretty, thin, and tall?
Should I lose a few lbs?
And pump the gals a few CCs?
Would Botox for my face be right
To help the anti-aging fight?
Do I need color for my greys?
Perhaps my tush deserves a raise.
Wuld bleach and wax remove all hair?
Should I tan or stay real fair?
Liposuction could be great
To rid me of unwanted weight.
That Barbie b**** can kiss my a**
cause soon her beauty I'll surpass.
Magic mirror, let me know
How to make my beauty show.

Worst. Dream. Ever.

Last night I dreamt that I was driving and Levi was on my lap. The other two were in the back. Something distracted me and I lost control of the car. We ran off into a ditch. It was deep and full of water. As the water started trickling into the car I knew I had to act. I got Adam out of his seat and got Levi. I unrolled the window and as the water came gushing in we fought our way out. We were okay. 1 minute back on the side of the road later, I realized I'd forgotten Caleb. My sweet Caleb. I jumped back in the water and got him out in time and he was just dandy.
I woke up feeling incredibly guilty. 9 hours later an I haven't shaken the feeling that I'm a horrible person and mother. I'm suddenly terrified that I don't love my kids as much as other moms do. Would I be one of these miraculous women who lifted a car to get her baby out?
I started thinking about loving my kids. And I really really do. I adore them. I think I could lift a car. I think maybe it's the boy to girl ratio that throws me. I definitely don't pretend to understand the running/jumping/wrestling sex. I don't understand why yelling is a valid form of communication. I don't understand why Kyle and I are woken up with cannon balling children. And oh the fighting!!!!
I love those boys, but what if they annoy me more than 50% of the time? Does that make me a bad parent or simply a parent?

Poker

Every Friday night we have game night here at my house. I love it. We play all sorts of games. We play mafia, signs, poker, and really anything else we feel like. This last week there weren't many people available. And by not many, I mean that there were a total of ten. While only 8 of us were there we played fear factor poker. This means the first person who goes out has to be subjected to something horrible that we decide on before we play. We considered habanero peppers, disgusting kitchen concoctions, shots of syrup... truly horrible things. We settled on spankings. If a boy lost, each of the other three boys got to spank him with a wooden spanking spoon. If a girl lost, girls got to spank her. This ensured that girls didn't get beaten quite as bad. Troy lost first, then Kyle, then Sydney. I have lots of videos. For some reason I can't get the videos to load. This is the only one that is working, but it certainly isn't the best. Here is Kyle getting spanked.



First Troy spanked him. Then Brock Tovar spanked him, then Brian Camuso spanked him. When Brian spanked him the spoon split into three pieces and flew across the room. The sound you hear is the smaller piece hittings the wall. Someone could have lost an eye. Here's what the spoon looked like.



Just a typical Friday night at our house...

Cold Dead Places

I love seeing a man cry. Not a lot obviously. I don't want a wahhh baby that I have to deal with, but showing a little sensitivity never killed anyone. It makes a manly man somehow just a tiny bit sexier.
Kyle and I were recently talking to someone about emotion. We joked about how Kyle is not an extremely emotional being. He didn't cry when our kids were born and he doesn't cry when he gets hurt (swears like a sailor though). We joke about his cold, dead heart, but I feel okay knowing that any times there have been cracks in the facade it's been for me.
Then we watch Secret Millionaire. It's a show where people move somewhere and meet the local volunteers, then gift them with large amounts of money to help their causes.
Suddenly,
LO and BEHOLD!
Tears!
Real, wet, salty pools of emotion.
They fill his eyes...
they brim...
here they come!!!
waiting......
Nope.

Good job sweetie, you've, once again, successfully proven your Tin-Man likeness.

ps. Kyle has since told me that one lone tear leaked out of his left eye, the one facing away from me. Perhaps he's not a tinman? Or perhaps he doesn't want the world to know about his cold dead places and is trying to hide them behind a turned face excuse? You decide.

My Sanity

Both of my boys are in preschool groups. It's just done among the moms and we take turns with the kids. Caleb's preschool is more of a playgroup, as people think they might be too young for letters and lessons. Friday was my turn. The first two hours went great. The last half hour.... Well, I usually don't like when people turn movies on, it seems like "hello, my kid can do that at home!" But I am a changed woman. When 7 little boys got the runs, by which I mean they decided to run and scream, I found movie time was a life saver. Here they are.

I'm Spoiled

When Kyle's parents come into town, it's sort of a tradition to go shopping at JCPenney. Kyle's mom worked there for about 25 years and gets a great discount. We buy clothes, we buy shoes, we buy makeup. (SO glad Sephora moved into JCPenney!) I've never gone into housewares before. This time, Kyle took a trip to housewares while I was perusing the clothing.
End of story is I got a $400 Kitchen Aid Artisan stand mixer for $45!!!! That's right. 45! Here are all the things that added up to my amazingness:
1. It was the last of its kind.
2. It was the display.
3. Being the display, someone had stolen one of the attachments ($14 on kitchenaid.com)
4. Alana's 15% discount.
5. The 30% coupon scratcher.
All those things added up to my pretty new red Kitchen Aid. Yay for me!