This semester has been so overwhelming for me. I'm only about 6 weeks in (optimistically) but I'm already reaching my emotional breaking point. I am not sure what it is. Maybe it has to do with the classes I'm taking, maybe it has to do with being pregnant, maybe it even has to do with getting fat. I know that's a silly thing to blame a rough semester on, but anyone who has been pregnant can tell you it's a struggle every single morning to get dressed. I often wind up in sweats because I know no matter what I wear I just won't look good, or jeans that when buttoned leave a major indent in my ever expanding belly and make me uncomfortable all day. Either way I am uncomfortable or ugly all day long. I digress..
So, a few nights ago I had a major meltdown. The kind where you cry and your husband worries that you're losing your mind. My sweet hubs told me maybe I should pray for a little motivation and comfort. I told him I wasn't ready to end my pity party. I got a good laugh at myself for that. If there is anything more pathetic than having a way to fix a problem and not taking it because you enjoy your misery, I just don't know it.
Then Monday night I had another meltdown. Stupid Anthopology is trying to kill me. I like school, but I'm not a sciences person. I don't speak math and chemicals and such. UGH. I was being tested on the subject the next day and was trying desperately to figure out what the %&$#* was going on. I cried. No subject has ever made me cry. It's the first time a concept has defeated me ever. (In school I mean) I felt stupid. I HATE feeling stupid! I went to bed angry and depressed and hopeless.
Tuesday morning I wake up and decide to give it another try. I skip my first class of the day to have my mom take a stab at understanding what I am trying to do. She points out the major part I was missing and it all clicked into place. I went to school, took the test... I'm pretty sure I aced it by the way. I will tell you tomorrow if she hands the test back. Then I got feedback on my essay for an online English class. My teacher said something to the effect of "You didn't follow the instructions for the essay, but it was so well written that I didn't care." I got an A. HALLE-FREAKIN'-LUJAH! Those two things had me walking on air.
Went to math class. Learned a new concept. Figured out the problem first in the class. Had the teacher check it. Got it wrong. Crap. Couldn't figure out where I screwed up. Teacher comes back and told me I did it right. I rock again. At this point I'm pretty sure I'm border-line genius. You know, the kind that cries when they don't get something.
And now you're wondering what the point of this post is. Right? Well, so am I! I guess the point is that I'm always amazed how life seems to have perfect symmetry. One day I hate school and never want to go back because it's stupid and I'm tired. The next day I love it and can't wait to learn more.
I really do love learning. There was a good article about life long learning in the Ensign this month. Side note.
I'm rambling. Goodnight
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Monday, February 8, 2010
Resolutions
I know it's a little late to be making New Year's resolutions. Maybe if I call them something different though they won't offend tradition. How about the I'm-already-behind-so-here-come-February-resolutions? I like it. I think it has a nice ring of truth about it. And if you can't make resolutions late what CAN you procrastinate. Speaking of procrastinating, I am a huge fan. If there was a fan club for procrastinating... I probably wouldn't have signed up in time to be president... but I would have PLANNED on doing it. Or maybe the last person to sign up would have gotten the job as they are obviously the most dedicated to their craft. IF that was the case I would be a shoo-in. So,
#1 Lay off procrastinating! Especially in school. It seems I can't write essays till 2 hours before they are due. I don't know why. Something to do with my brain liking pressure. It is very strange. I got pretty good grades last year and I was really proud of myself. Still, the two B's I got could have easily been A's if there was just a tiny bit more dedication to doing things on time.
#2 Take my boys to the park more often. I know that goals are supposed to be more specific than this so you are more accountable. I hope my wishy-washy-ness doesn't fail to get them more exercise, but the truth is things come up! (Plus since I can't procrastinate my homework it will depend on my teachers' workloads.)
#3 Do more with my kids learning wise. I have some great preschool books where they trace the letters in pen that wipes off the page.... They look great on the bookshelf collecting dust.... So this year I will try to get them a little bit ready for school (Adam might start preschool in the fall. WAHHHHH. I don't want my babies to grow up!)
#4 Make the bed at least 3 times a week. Do you like the specific-ness of this goal? I figured just make the bed more often wouldn't cut it. My real goal is to do it everyday, but since I hardly ever do now I figure I should start slow.
#5 Read a few inspirational/uplifting books. I read so much vampire and fantasy junk, I figure a little balance never hurt anyone.
#6 Get good grades. I would settle for 3 A's and 2 B's. This is what I got last semester and as long as I don't do worse than that I figure I'm okay. We'll see though... already Anthropology lab with all it's Biology crap is trying to kill me.
#7 I know it's a little bit early to make this one. It doesn't kick in till the middle of the year, but here goes anyway. I'm gonna put it out there, so if any of you see me looking a fatty once I've had my baby you can get on my case. The goal is to lose my baby fat within 5 months of having the baby. That means... very specifically, I want to weigh 125 again by Christmas. (ahhh 125, how I miss your bony hips, your love handle-less waist, your ankles.)
#8 Be happy if "she" turns out to be another boy.
#9 This is a two-fer. Maybe a three-fer. Family prayer. Every night. Not every other night. Not every night that I'm not tired. EVERY night. I should tattoo this on my hand so I remember... In fact... THERE. It's sharpie-d on. That should last a few days to get me started. Part B of this is FHE. We do okay on this. Need to do better... but I'm not terribly ashamed yet. C. Scripture time. DA NA NA NA NA NA-NA NA-NA Scripture time! I don't think I'm ready to read every day, but I could certainly be more consistent. I could try for 3 times a week. It's about as hard as making the bed, so that makes sense.
#10.... I don't have anymore. I just thought I should reach a nice round number. Good luck to all you folks and your resolutions. If you see me failing, elbow me in the ribs. Just not too hard, there's a baby in there!
#1 Lay off procrastinating! Especially in school. It seems I can't write essays till 2 hours before they are due. I don't know why. Something to do with my brain liking pressure. It is very strange. I got pretty good grades last year and I was really proud of myself. Still, the two B's I got could have easily been A's if there was just a tiny bit more dedication to doing things on time.
#2 Take my boys to the park more often. I know that goals are supposed to be more specific than this so you are more accountable. I hope my wishy-washy-ness doesn't fail to get them more exercise, but the truth is things come up! (Plus since I can't procrastinate my homework it will depend on my teachers' workloads.)
#3 Do more with my kids learning wise. I have some great preschool books where they trace the letters in pen that wipes off the page.... They look great on the bookshelf collecting dust.... So this year I will try to get them a little bit ready for school (Adam might start preschool in the fall. WAHHHHH. I don't want my babies to grow up!)
#4 Make the bed at least 3 times a week. Do you like the specific-ness of this goal? I figured just make the bed more often wouldn't cut it. My real goal is to do it everyday, but since I hardly ever do now I figure I should start slow.
#5 Read a few inspirational/uplifting books. I read so much vampire and fantasy junk, I figure a little balance never hurt anyone.
#6 Get good grades. I would settle for 3 A's and 2 B's. This is what I got last semester and as long as I don't do worse than that I figure I'm okay. We'll see though... already Anthropology lab with all it's Biology crap is trying to kill me.
#7 I know it's a little bit early to make this one. It doesn't kick in till the middle of the year, but here goes anyway. I'm gonna put it out there, so if any of you see me looking a fatty once I've had my baby you can get on my case. The goal is to lose my baby fat within 5 months of having the baby. That means... very specifically, I want to weigh 125 again by Christmas. (ahhh 125, how I miss your bony hips, your love handle-less waist, your ankles.)
#8 Be happy if "she" turns out to be another boy.
#9 This is a two-fer. Maybe a three-fer. Family prayer. Every night. Not every other night. Not every night that I'm not tired. EVERY night. I should tattoo this on my hand so I remember... In fact... THERE. It's sharpie-d on. That should last a few days to get me started. Part B of this is FHE. We do okay on this. Need to do better... but I'm not terribly ashamed yet. C. Scripture time. DA NA NA NA NA NA-NA NA-NA Scripture time! I don't think I'm ready to read every day, but I could certainly be more consistent. I could try for 3 times a week. It's about as hard as making the bed, so that makes sense.
#10.... I don't have anymore. I just thought I should reach a nice round number. Good luck to all you folks and your resolutions. If you see me failing, elbow me in the ribs. Just not too hard, there's a baby in there!
Friday, January 22, 2010
Monday, December 14, 2009
Wow
I suck at blogging. I thought I'd be really good at it cause I love to write. But I go to school full time (my last final is Thursday!!!) and I have two very active little boys and I just don't find time. It's not that I can't make time, I just forget amid everything else.
In case you didn't know, I'm pregnant. I'm 9 weeks today, due July 19th. I am hoping for a girl. Not that I wouldn't be as happy with a boy, I just have two of those already. As it stands:
2 boys
0 girls
1 unknown
Kyle doesn't much care one way or the other.
I've thought I would wear pink everyday till my 20 week ultrasound to try to give the baby subliminal messages to be a girl. But since the sex is decided at conception, and there is a 50/50 chance it is a boy, I decided against it. If it is a boy, I don't want to confuse him. =D
I have been feeling very sick. I don't throw up, I just feel queasy every time I move. It is nasty. I just want to lay in bed forever. Right here I have to say, I'm so grateful for Kyle! I've gotten much worse at doing dishes/laundry/any kind of house cleaning. He keeps surprising me with a clean kitchen. It's fantastic.
So, I have a final tomorrow that I have to go to. It's kind of silly. I took a children's literature course this semester. The final is simply, bring your favorite children's book and a food that relates. Easy at least! I am taking the Eleventh Hour by Graeme Base and I think birthday cake! Yay me! I hope I get an A on the final! =D
Let's see, Anything else to tell the maybe 2 people who check my blog? Umm... Probably nothing you folks don't already know! Here's hoping I get better at blogging so that this page gets more itneresting.
In case you didn't know, I'm pregnant. I'm 9 weeks today, due July 19th. I am hoping for a girl. Not that I wouldn't be as happy with a boy, I just have two of those already. As it stands:
2 boys
0 girls
1 unknown
Kyle doesn't much care one way or the other.
I've thought I would wear pink everyday till my 20 week ultrasound to try to give the baby subliminal messages to be a girl. But since the sex is decided at conception, and there is a 50/50 chance it is a boy, I decided against it. If it is a boy, I don't want to confuse him. =D
I have been feeling very sick. I don't throw up, I just feel queasy every time I move. It is nasty. I just want to lay in bed forever. Right here I have to say, I'm so grateful for Kyle! I've gotten much worse at doing dishes/laundry/any kind of house cleaning. He keeps surprising me with a clean kitchen. It's fantastic.
So, I have a final tomorrow that I have to go to. It's kind of silly. I took a children's literature course this semester. The final is simply, bring your favorite children's book and a food that relates. Easy at least! I am taking the Eleventh Hour by Graeme Base and I think birthday cake! Yay me! I hope I get an A on the final! =D
Let's see, Anything else to tell the maybe 2 people who check my blog? Umm... Probably nothing you folks don't already know! Here's hoping I get better at blogging so that this page gets more itneresting.
Monday, November 2, 2009
HALLOWEEN!
These pictures are from the ward party the night before Halloween. Adam, Caleb and Jaden are army camo men.
Caleb is so stinking cute.
The whole platoon.
a Silly schoolgirl.
Angry Eva
I like this picture.
They are rummaging through their candy thinking they will get to eat it all.
Birthdays
Since my boys' birthdays are really close together, this blog will be both of their birthdays. Here is Caleb enjoying some spongebob.
Caleb's spongebob cake. Thanks Whitt.
Whitney and JJ at Adam's birthday party.
Here they are at Grandma and Grandpa Wilson's. They love their new train tracks.
Having a joint party in Utah
hmmm. It has been so long since I posted that I can't for the life of me remember how to turn this picture the right way!
Adam's cheesy smile
Adam's FOOTBALL CAKE!!!! Anyone who has been around Adam recently knows he has been waiting for this cake for about a month. He told everyone who would listen that he was gonna have a football cake. Thanks to Whitney, who is awesome.
I'm alive!
Despite what you may think, I have no fallen off the planet. I'm still here, feeling completely uninspired. Well, at least I can share some pictures right? Right!
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