"Seeking the Lord" - Jose A Texeira

   https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2015/04/seeking-the-lord?lang=eng

We had a great talk in church on this yesterday. I took notes and everything. Unfortunately, today when I went to find said notes, I found that I forgot to save the memo in my phone. Oh well. I listened to the talk and remembered the thing that stuck with me the most yesterday was the use of the word "joy." I made the easy jump that seeking the Lord=Joy. If we spend our time in search of the Savior, we will find Him. We will serve. We will have peace through trials. We will experience love as we see people the way He would have us see them.
   The second half of the talk focuses a lot on technology. Use your phone to listen to the scriptures. Don't use your phone at church. That kind of thing. In a talk all about seeking the Lord, we need to understand how very easy we have it. So much is available to us, it's incredible. I even have a Pandora station full of LDS music for Sunday mornings. How lucky are we?
   Do you take it for granted? I hope I don't. I listen to my scriptures on the drive to get my kids. I read every post from the general authorities when I scroll through Facebook. I read conference talks every morning and make notes about them. =) But does technology get in the way sometimes? Perhaps. My brain often wanders while listening to the scriptures. I am much more of a paper book gal myself. I have yet to buy an ebook and there is good reason for it. I don't feel the same love for a cold bit of technology. Call me crazy. Or old. It's all true.

   On another track, I taught primary music again yesterday. What a great blessing that is. It's not a calling I'd want, but it's one I enjoy occasionally. Yesterday, I was told to teach the children the song, "I'm trying to be like Jesus." I thought there was no way they could not know that. Isn't that one we learn in Nursery? If not, it should be. Hello!? It's basically the entire gist of the Gospel. I told the kids I wanted to hear them sing it to see how well they knew it. I had them stand. I reminded them to be reverent, but to sing nice and loud. They sang every word. It was beautiful. They were so reverent and full of the Spirit, I almost cried. Which probably would have shocked no one. I teared up in Sacrament meeting too, singing The Spirit of God. I love music. It touches my heart in ways that speaking doesn't often do. And there is just something about itty bitty souls getting their primary music on. Primary programs just don't do it justice. If you haven't heard them sing beautifully, you should go visit Primary sometime.

Waiting for the Prodigal - Elder Brent H. Nielson

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2015/04/waiting-for-the-prodigal?lang=eng

   The most poignant part of this talk is when Elder Nielson tells what the Savior would have us do. We are to leave the 99 and go after the one. But, once that is done, if we are unsuccessful, we need to watch and wait. Sometimes, when you pull someone they dig in their heels. Sometimes we need to let a person go.
   Letting a person go, doesn't mean we stop caring about them. It doesn't mean we disassociate ourselves. It simply means we don't bother them. Elder Nielson says of his own sister, "Although we could not embrace all of her choices, we could embrace her." That is wonderful. We don't need to push ourselves on to people who have left the church. But we don't need to pull ourselves away either. We can love them and watch and wait.
    Elder Nielson spoke about two things he did during his sister's inactivity that I think are great examples of watching and waiting. One thing was praying for his sister and putting her name in at the temple. I have done that for many people in my life. Some will never know just how often a group of complete strangers gathered to pray for their well being.
   The other thing he did was actively watching.  Letting a person be and making their own decisions, doesn't mean we stop caring. We watch for cues that they are ready. We listen to the Spirit in their behalf. In his story it took 3 different people knowing his sister was ready for it to finally happen. We all need to be aware of what is happening in the lives of our lost sheep. If not, how will we ever reach them?
   "All of us are lost and need to be found." Aren't we all lost sheep to the Savior? Isn't He waiting and praying for us? Well, I don't actually know if Jesus Christ prays. I imagine He goes down a hall to speak to our Father, or maybe He just apparates where He needs to go...  Still, I believe He is actively waiting, and hoping for our return.
   You know what I love about the New Testament? There are so many stories in there of Jesus loving sinners. He teaches and beckons them, and when they finally come, He embraces them with a perfect love that I can't yet understand. We've all been that sinner at one point in our lives. We have all had to come back after making mistakes. We need to watch, wait, and love those who are still lost.

"Where Justice, Love and Mercy Meet" - Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2015/04/where-justice-love-and-mercy-meet?lang=eng

   Elder Holland begins by telling a story of brothers hiking. One was on the verge of falling to his death, when his brother reaches out and saves him. He uses the story as a parallel for the Savior's atonement. We were in a free fall because of Adam. A necessary free fall, of course, but a fall none the less. The Savior reached out and grabbed us by the atonement. He asks, "Is our only purpose in life an empty existential exercise—simply to leap as high as we can... then fail and fall, and keep falling forever?" This makes me think of those who don't understand the Plan of Salvation. What a sad life it becomes, if it is merely a rat race toward death. Maybe 80 years of making yourself happy and trying to accomplish something and then BAM! End of life, end of story. Do not pass Go...

   (I bet you had to say "Do not collect $200" in your head.)

   Elder Holland goes on to say, "Today (Easter) we celebrate the gift of victory over every fall we have ever experienced, every sorrow we have ever known, every discouragement we have ever had, every fear we have ever faced—to say nothing of our resurrection from death and forgiveness for our sins. That victory is available to us because of events that transpired on a weekend precisely like this nearly two millennia ago in Jerusalem...That first Easter sequence of Atonement and Resurrection constitutes the most consequential moment, the most generous gift, the most excruciating pain, and the most majestic manifestation of pure love ever to be demonstrated in the history of this world."

   Honestly, I can't say I have anything to add. Elder Holland always says things so beautifully. I guess I could just say that I am grateful I understand the Plan of Salvation and the Atonement, although admittedly, my understanding of the Atonement is general and grand. The minutia is something I just do not worry about. I know I have a limited scope and vision and I'm okay with that. My faith is sufficient. It tells me I just don't have to know everything. I know the Atonement is there for me. I know my Savior loves me. I know I have a way home if I want it. That's good enough for now.

"The Gift of Grace" - President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2015/04/the-gift-of-grace?lang=eng#listen=audio

    Some talks from conference I like to read. I find some people's tones distracting. Or their breathing. Or their general voice. I know that is so stupid and it's something that I really can't stand about myself. But man, give me a conference talk with the best message and the most possible chance for feeling the spirit, but if the speaker has old man spit that I can hear, I can't focus on anything else. It's terrible. President Uchtdorf is actually someone I love listening to. I like his accent and conviction. I feel that most of his sentences should end in exclamation points and I love that. You can really feel his love of the gospel when he speaks.

    He starts by talking about Easter and the atonement. He wants us to speak of the atonement always. Really our lives should focus on it, shouldn't it? However, he warns that the Savior's atonement shouldn't become a commonplace things to us, profound gratitude shouldn't be lost. It is something we should always be in awe of. He says, "I marvel to think that the Son of God would condescend to save us, as imperfect, impure, mistake-prone, and ungrateful as we often are. I have tried to understand the Savior’s Atonement with my finite mind, and the only explanation I can come up with is this: God loves us deeply, perfectly, and everlastingly." Doesn't that make you think of the hymn I Stand all Amazed?

1. I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me,
Confused at the grace that so fully he proffers me.
I tremble to know that for me he was crucified,
That for me, a sinner, he suffered, he bled and died.
(Chorus)
Oh, it is wonderful that he should care for me
Enough to die for me!
Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me!
2. I marvel that he would descend from his throne divine
To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine,
That he should extend his great love unto such as I,
Sufficient to own, to redeem, and to justify.
3. I think of his hands pierced and bleeding to pay the debt!
Such mercy, such love and devotion can I forget?
No, no, I will praise and adore at the mercy seat,
Until at the glorified throne I kneel at his feet.

     I imagine that is exactly how President Uchtdorf wants us all to feel. All of the time. In fact, I think he could have done a dramatic reading of this Hymn and really hit the nail on the head.
He goes on to talk about the two things that grace does:

    Grace unlocks the gates of Heaven- We can't earn our way into Heaven. It is impossible to get there ourselves. But the atonement makes it possible, and not just to be forgiven, but also to become like our Heavenly Father, which is the entire purpose. However, it is not enough that the Savior's grace is available to us, we must enter through the gate, by having a sincere change of heart.

    Grace opens the windows of Heaven and pours our temporal blessings and spiritual gifts. His grace helps us become our best selves. He then goes on to explain the parable of the two debtors and the creditor. One is forgiven much and the other is forgiven little. So who is going to love the creditor more? The lesson is that those who are forgiven more, love the Savior more. Do we love much? At the end of the talk, President Uchtdorf basically shouts his praise for the atonement. I imagine his sins are less than many, yet he clearly loves the Savior and is grateful for the atonement. So shouldn't we all be grateful for the atonement? I think if the atonement is commonplace to us, we don't truly understand how desperate our situation is.

    So, if Grace is God's gift, and not something we earn, why do we even need good works? Our obedience comes from, or should come from, genuine love for God. Our meekness and gratitude should make the living of the Gospel a joy, not a burden. It is merely "the reaching out of our mortal hands for the gift of Grace"

   I am definitely glad for Grace in my life. The atonement has been put to good use in my life. And by good use, I mean constant, frequent use. I am definitely the bigger debtor, yet sometimes I even let the atonement become commonplace in my life, by not thinking about it or appreciating my Savior enough. More to work on. =)

Preserving Agency. Protecting Religious Freedomh- Robert D. Hales

I am not going to lie. I'm kind of phoning this one in. I've had a busy morning and my mind Isn't where it should be for this. I just sent my third little guy off to school and my mind is with him.
   This talk is all about protecting religious freedom. I think as a church we have to be very defensive right now. I don't like hearing it really. I'd rather pretend everything is honky dory and our votes matter and such, but that really isn't the case is it? I mean, we voted against something that we believe is morally wrong and even though we won, it Was legalized. Our agency was taken away and our decision was made for us. What a shame.
  We need to be careful not to be complacent in our community. I don't know any issues we are facing, and I probably should. How can I defend our rights, if I don't know what's going on? Shame on me! As usual. ;)

"Stay by the Tree" - Elder Kevin W. Pearson

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2015/04/stay-by-the-tree?lang=eng#watch=video



   "Shortly before President Heber J. Grant passed away, one of the Brethren visited his home. Before he left, President Grant prayed, “O God, bless me that I shall not lose my testimony and keep faithful to the end!”1After nearly 27 years as President of the Church, this was his fervent prayer. His example is a striking reminder that no one, at any age, is immune from Satan’s influence. Two of Satan’s most powerful tools are distraction and deception."

   I don't usually quote such big parts of the talks. This is mostly a place for my thoughts and feelings. But my thoughts are that that quote sums up the whole talk. My feelings are that if a prophet of God needed reminding to stay close to the Gospel, how much more do we need it?

   Elder Pearson outlines steps for staying close to the Savior and likens it to Lehi's vision. The Lord is the tree and we need to stay close. Hence the title. The steps are things we have heard a million times in Sunday School. Pray. Have Faith. Read your scriptures. He put emphasis on reading the Book of Mormon. He says, "When adversity comes, don’t let something you don’t fully understand unravel everything you do know. Be patient, cling to truth; understanding will come."

   I went to a pack meeting recently for Adam. The den leader was talking about our baptism covenants and gave an easy way to remember them as you take the sacrament.

T. Take his name upon us.

A. Always remember Him.

K. Keep his commandments.

E. Endure to the end.

   Elder Pearson reminds us that enduring to the end is not the same as surviving a trial. To endure we must be constantly coming unto Christ, not just waiting for a trial to end. He says "The kingdom of God... requires valiant discipleship." To be keeping our baptismal covenants, we must be constantly coming unto Christ. If we aren't praying, reading our scriptures, and always remembering him, we are falling short of our potential as disciples.

And so to close, I will leave you with my very favorite primary song:

"The Lord needs valiant servants,
To do his work in the latter day,
Who follow the teachings of Jesus
And serve his people in a loving way.
I will be his servant
And keep my cov'nants valiantly.
I'll stand for truth. I'll stand for right.
The Lord can depend on me!"

I added the exclamation point. It really deserves it don't you think?

"The Eternal Perspective of the Gospel" - Elder Rafael E. Pino

   https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2015/04/the-eternal-perspective-of-the-gospel?lang=eng

   Once again, a talk that deals with accepting the Lord's will. Or maybe that is just how I see it. Maybe all the talks seems to have that undertone to me because it is something I am so scared of. I live in fear of trials. Constantly. Irrationally. All-consumingly. I've told Kyle many times that I'm pretty sure he's going to die because God knows it's the trial that would push me over the edge. Who says things like that to their spouse? Crazy people. People who are not very strong and they know it. Crazy me. So many of these talks seem to tell me to just accept the Lord's will and not fight whatever is coming. Oh, and there is always something coming.
   I do like one of Elder Pino's analogies. He likens an eternal perspective to doing a puzzle. If you look at one piece and can't find where it goes, it may seem useless. You may even be tempted to throw it away. But once the puzzle is nearing completion you will be so glad you have it.
   I imagine myself in Heaven, looking at the puzzle of my life. Better yet, the puzzle of my soul. What if each piece is labelled? There could be charity, integrity, strength... what if there is a piece missing? What if there is a puzzle piece somewhere labelled, for instance, patience, that isn't in my puzzle? What if the puzzle is complete except a big ugly hole? Worse, what if there are several pieces missing? Accepting the Lord's will and the trials He sends me gives me an opportunity to grow through them, instead of fighting and getting angry. That is after all, why He gives us trials. He doesn't do it to watch us squirm, but to see us grow. My patriarchal blessing actually says something to this effect. I won't quote it exactly, but it says something like "Never feel that you are being punished. As the Lord watched His Son go through the trials of mortality, so He feels about your suffering." Again, very paraphrased, and very comforting. My Father in Heaven isn't leaving me to struggle alone. He is there to help me. He suffers watching me suffer. I kind of love the idea that my Heavenly Father has empathy for me. It is very personal, if you think about it. I am not an abstract idea to Him. I am His child, as much as Jesus Christ, and the only reason He lets me go through trials and struggles is because it is for the best. He could rescue me, but chooses the better path, the same as He did for His Son.
   As always, this is something that I am working on. Not just accepting of trials, but making decisions in a way that is best for my eternity, not just my mortality.

Truly Good and Without Guile - Elder Michael T. Ringwood

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2015/04/truly-good-and-without-guile?lang=eng

    This was the other talk that was used on Sunday. Guile is an interesting word. I don't think it's used much anymore. To have guile means to have sly, conniving intelligence. To be truly good, in the context of the talk, means to serve. My notes from Sunday look like this:

Truly Good                                         vs.                                         Guile

service                                                                                              Conniving intelligence

Furthers the work of Moses 1:39                                                     Furthers selfish agenda

   Once I had an understanding of the two sides of the coin, it was easy to put people in the categories. Abel v. Cain; Abel wanted to give the Lord a sacrifice, Cain wanted the Lord to appreciate his sacrifice. 

   While there are tons of examples I could list, I think the best one is that of Jesus v. Lucifer. They both offered to do the same thing, right? So what was the difference? Jesus said "Here I am, send me." and Lucifer said, "Sure, I'll go, but here's what I want to change about the plan. Oh and I need some glory. Let's not forget that." Jesus was ready to serve and sacrifice. Lucifer was ready to be important. 

   In just the two examples that I used, I think it is interesting to note that those on the guile side ended up rebelling in some pretty heinous ways. That is the danger of serving with an agenda. If we have guile, we want to be seen and thanked of the world, and given church "promotions". When that doesn't happen we become bitter and angry. That can cause us to abandon the Gospel.

   While I've split truly good and guile into opposing ideas, I don't think it's all that black and white. I think there is quite a bit of grey between the two. After all, wasn't Lucifer and angel to begin with? Didn't he start white and beautiful before he slid that grey scale of rebellion? I also keep thinking of Pontious Pilate. Here was someone who believed in Jesus, enough to think he didn't deserve to die, but because he was a public figure, he cowed to the demands of the crowd. He let a man die because he didn't want to deal with rebellion. That has guile (and cowardice) written all over it.

     What about us? Don't we give talks with the hope that someone will tell us we did a good job afterwards? I personally don't have the serenity of Jesus, knowing that I am doing good and never being appreciated. I often tell Kyle something I've done just for that little pat on the back. But I do try to remember the scripture that says, "That thine alms be in secret: and thy Father which seeth in secret Himself shall reward thee openly." (Matthew 6:4) What kind of reward am I looking for? If my Father sees my works, isn't that enough?

   If our hearts are not in the right place, our service falls flat. If I visit teach for the sake of having that 100% on my record and being able to tell people how good I am, most likely I am not caring for the sisters entrusted to me.

   A final thought, though it isn't mine, President Spencer W. Kimball said, "Great women and men are always more anxious to serve than to have dominion." (Kind of makes you think of the presidential race going on, huh? I wish we had even one candidate who just wants to serve the country.) 

   

The Parable of the Sower - Elder Dallin H. Oaks

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2015/04/the-parable-of-the-sower?lang=eng

    Okay, I am going out of order for this one. Someone spoke in church yesterday on this talk and I took notes. Job half done. =) This morning I am going back and reading the talk and comparing my thoughts.
    My first thought was wondering what kind of ground I am. Am I stony ground? Stony ground is those who accept the Gospel but aren't truly converted; they are those who when faced with trials, fall away and are scorched. I've always been worried that I wasn't truly converted. My patriarchal blessing says it is a necessity for me personally. I've wondered before if I would leave the church if it wasn't for my family, specifically my husband. And I've always been glad not to find out. However, when I read the definition of the stony ground, I think I am doing better than I've given myself credit for. When faced with trials I certainly don't turn from Heavenly Father, but rather straight to Him.
   Am I a thorny ground gal? I kind of think we all are. Thorny ground folks are those who hear the Word, accept it, but then struggle with the cares and riches of the world. I am going to leave riches off of there because there is no point beating that dead horse.  We all know the love of money pulls you away from the Lord. But what about cares? Does that have to be money? Couldn't it just be that you care what your friends think of you? Or that you care to have fun, rather than be a true disciple. Can't cares just be the regular hustle and bustle of a busy life? Being a mom to four kids is enough for me to struggle with reading my scriptures and getting in a prayer more than once a day. What about people with high pressure jobs? Jesus tells Peter that he is an offence to Him, and to "get behind me, Satan." because of his cares of the world. Peter was his chief apostle, the rock upon which Jesus was going to build his church, and still, he was tempted enough to be called Satan by Jesus. You don't have to be a bad person to struggle with this. You just have to be in this world.
   The most important thing I pulled from the thorny ground, is the need for spiritual feeding. The best way to keep those thorns from choking us, is to be continually taking care. I am certainly trying harder to do that. My hiatus from church (for vacations and such, not inactivity) really taught me a lesson earlier this year. I felt my testimony struggle. We need to take care that we don't allow ourselves to be choked by the thorns. It doesn't happen without our consent.
   I wouldn't go so far as to say I am a good ground that brings up good fruit. I would say I am sort of a mix of all the grounds. I am someone whose testimony could be stronger, who needs continual care, but who also tries. I am not perfect. But I am not a seed who fell by the wayside either.
    This talk was really good for me because it gave me insight into myself. Elder Holland (in a different talk) said something to the effect of doubt your doubts before you doubt what you know. I've always magnified my doubts and small, seedling of a testimony instead of the things that I do know. After reading Elder Oaks' definition of the stony ground I am actually really happy to find that I'm doing okay.

 And now, for a bonus, verse 3 of How Firm a Foundation. We sang it in church yesterday and it was so beautiful, my eyes welled up. Okay, that happens almost anytime I hear music, but still.

Fear not, I am with thee; oh, be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid.
I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by my righteous, upheld by my righteous,
Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.

Journaling

   I found some great quotes on Pinterest a couple of days ago about journaling. It made me super excited that I was doing this and I want to share them and my thoughts about them.

•    " We often  leave the most precious personal direction of the Spirit unheard because we do not record and respond to the first promptings that come to us when the Lord chooses to direct us."                                                                                                             -Elder Richard G. Scott

This quote prompted me to take notes during church today. I don't want church to be something I simply go to because it is expected of me. I really am going to be spiritually fed. I get malnourished spiritually and need the constant feeding. Church today was great. I was so happy that I started this today!
 

• "Get a notebook, my young folks, a journal that will last through all time, and maybe the angels may quote from it for eternity.                                                -President Spencer W. Kimball

This is so beautiful!!!! I can't imagine I have anything to say that would be worthy of angels, but who knows, perhaps the Spirit will give me a gem.

• "I've found, as I'm sure you have, that when you're trying to learn from the Lord and you feel an impression from the Spirit, i'ts important to make a note so it will not be forgotten. The more you not only hear but abide by what you've been told, the more the Lord will give to you. It will come more and more rapidly and you will begin to hear and feel those impressions of the Spirit more quickly than you have previously done."                       -Elder Gene R. Cook

I love the promise of this quote. The more you abide by your promptings, the more the Lord will pour them out to you! I wrote in one of my previous posts that I didn't know if I'd had a prompting or just thought of something myself. Wouldn't it be great to hear the Spirit, know what's happening, and get that all the time?! I think it would be awesome. I'm know there are plenty of people whose everyday is filled with inspiration, but I am still practicing.

• "The prompting that goes unresponded to may not be repeated. Writing down aht we have been prompted with is vital. A special thought can be lost later in the day through the rough and tumble of life. God should not, and may not, choose to repeat the prompting if we assign what is given such a low priority as to put it aside.                                         -Elder Neal A. Maxwell

This quote is a little bit more of a warning. Watch out! Heed the promptings or they'll be taken away. I would not want to send the message to my Heavenly Father that the messages that he gives just to me are not important.

If anyone is out there reading, get a journal! Or a blog.

"Lord, I Believe" by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/04/lord-i-believe?lang=eng

I am not doing this today. I am just leaving this right here. It is my favorite talk. I keep thinking about it and thinking about, but it doesn't really work with the schedule I've set up. I think perhaps I am supposed to write my feelings about it. I am leaving this here just in case someone needs a faith boost. If you're having trouble today, read this.  I will write my thoughts on it soon.

Thy Kingdom Come by Neil L. Anderson

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2015/04/thy-kingdom-come?lang=eng



   I was excited to see that today's talk was by Elder Anderson. While not my favorite to listen to, in studying I find that Elder Anderson is one of my favorites. He leaves great gems hidden all along his talks. I may end up quoting more than writing today.
   While studying, I actually was reminded of several of the other talks I have read this week. He seems to bring them together quite nicely and I am glad I read them in this order. He starts out by talking about our day. It is a tough day, with wars and rumors of wars, and the Earth in constant commotion. Yet, it is a great day because we live in the time of the restored Gospel. He says "We rejoice in these days and pray that we will be able to courageously face our struggles and uncertainties. The difficulties of some are more severe than those of others, but no one is immune. Elder Neal A. Maxwell once said to me, “If everything is going perfectly for you right now, just wait.”" That's fun. Remember how I said I live in constant fear of trials. Elder Maxwell, through Elder Anderson, just reaffirmed all my fears. Gotta love that. Maybe I should do a talk on preparedness next...
    Like the last talk this one reminds us to keep an eternal perspective and submit to the will of the Father. But he does it in a way that I really like. He talks about the many miracles the Lord has worked in bringing the church forward in these days. I won't recount those here. His main point in doing it was, "seeing and believing the Lord’s miracles in establishing His kingdom on earth can help us see and believe that the Lord’s hand is at work in our own lives as well." That makes perfect sense to me. Perhaps it is Elder Anderson's use of logic in his talks that I understand. Heavenly Father doesn't need our help. He could bring the church to the Earth in a moment if He wanted. He lets us help so we can grow. I think of it like prayer: He knows what we need. He doesn't need to hear it from us, but prayer is a tool given to us for us, not for Him.
   Sometimes it's hard to see His hand in our lives. Maybe when those times come it is because we stop looking. I know if I look for Him, He's right there staring at me in my kids' health, in my marriage, in Kyle's job. His hand is all over my life and I am so grateful for it.

    Again, time for a quote, though in this case it is Elder Anderson quoting scripture. He says "Remember the young man who cried out to the prophet Elisha as they were surrounded by enemies: “Alas, [what] shall we do?” Elisha answered:
“Fear not: for they that be with us are more than they that be with them.
“[Then] Elisha prayed, … Lord, … open his eyes, that he may see. And the Lord [did open] the eyes of the young man; and he [did see that] the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire.”"
   That is such a beautiful story to me. Really, it should be a cross stitched pillow somewhere. If we could see the way our Father's hand is in our life, we would be amazed, I think. Amazed and given a peace and an unearthly power to submit to the Lord.
   And all of this isn't even the point of the talk. This is just the part of the talk to spoke to me. The actual point is that the Second Coming is at hand and it is going to be glorious.   

If you will be Responsible by Elder Jorge F. Zeballos

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2015/04/if-you-will-be-responsible?lang=eng


   This talk starts with a great anecdote. Personally, I love a good story to illustrate a point or to impress the message on me. He talks about when he was a child in a non member family. He went to church everyday for six months with no family support or anything. When he was asked whether he was ready to be baptized, he was a minor and had to receive permission from his father. His father, having seen his commitment, tells him he can be baptized" if he will be responsible for his choice." This speaks to me personally, because of Kyle. Kyle was raised in an inactive home, but with parents who supported him. I love the idea of a father who says, "If this is your commitment, just follow through." That is a lot of trust to place in a child, especially when it is a big commitment like religion. I am grateful that my husband has followed through on his commitment, even going on a mission with support that perhaps didn't understand the need for it. That's a whole other post though. I could write an epic on all the ways I am grateful for Kyle.
   Elder Zeballos gives us four principles to be responsible for our choice to come unto Christ. If you will be responsible: you will learn your duty, make a decision, act accordingly, and accept the Father's will. But I really think his talk is a lot simpler than that. It seems to me that his talk is really just telling us to be men or women of our word. If you make a choice to be a disciple, follow through. End of talk. Easy peasy.
  Well, except accepting the Father's will. That one calls for a second look, for me. Sure it should come naturally to a disciple, but does it? I often find myself praying like this, "Heavenly Father, please help me so and so, but don't give me any trials, thank you. I don't want to grow right now. I am happy right where I am, I will humble myself, just please please in the name of all that is holy don't change anything in my life or take anything away from me." Perhaps that is because I constantly live in fear that I am too happy. My trials tend to be knock down, drag me through the mud ones, and I just don't want more. But isn't that why we are here? If I am a true disciple, wouldn't I just float along with peace in my heart knowing that if everything was taken away I'd just be all that closer to Jesus, who suffered so much? You know... I really don't think so. Even Jesus asked Heavenly Father to remove the bitter cup. But when the trial came he didn't shrink. He talks about a couple on the verge of losing a child and the peace they had. That to me is craziness. If I am given the trial of losing a child, I will accept it only after it is over. I would not be bedside calm and submissive. I would be fighting and praying and bargaining. Say what you want, I'm pretty sure our Heavenly Father takes the bribes occasionally.
   All in all, a good talk, though I do have one criticism. (If anyone cares of my lowly opinion of conference talks.) When writing, you are supposed to keep it simple, don't use overly flowery words and complicate a simple message. That is what I feel Elder Zeballos did. By giving us four steps, he took away the simplicity and beauty of the lesson that his father taught him. To sum up a talk that wanders (in my opinion), I would just give this thought: If you will be a disciple, be one. If you want to come unto Christ, do it. We know where He is and how to go about finding Him. Be a true disciple. Period.

Comment

I really don't think there is anyone out there reading this, which is totally okay. I am really writing it for my own benefit. But, if you are out there, anyone, leave a comment so I know you are here. =)

Be Fruitful, Multiply, and Subdue the Earth - Joseph W. Sitati

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2015/04/be-fruitful-multiply-and-subdue-the-earth?lang=eng


I hesitated this morning when I saw the title for the next conference talk. I thought about skipping it. I have multiplied and been fruitful. My fruits woke me up at seven this morning. That's how I know I've done my part. Any more fruits and I would be a nut. Get it? Cause I'd be insane. =) Four fruits are all my sanity can handle.I didn't want to hear about having children. I've already done my part. Nevertheless, I went ahead and read the talk.

I was actually surprised to find it wasn't about having kids at all. Elder Sitati takes a lovely interpretation of the command to be fruitful. He takes it to mean the fruit of our labors, rather than the fruit of our loins. He talks about going about doing good and having charity one with another. He also speaks of missionary work, though he doesn't come right out with it, but leads us there instead. "All of us can and should become fully engaged in the work of salvation. The Savior has given us the following responsibility with a promise: “I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit". I guess it makes sense that the greatest charity we can have is to care enough to bring others to the Gospel. This also makes me think of temple work. He doesn't talk about it, but bringing people to the Gospel isn't something we just do here.

I don't feel that I am well equipped to bring people into the church. I don't have a wide network of friends and I am not great at speaking publicly. I am rather shy with people with whom I am not comfortable. But I can do temple work. I can do Family History work. If the worth of all souls is great, I can bring the ones who have already passed and "great shall be my joy", right?

There really isn't another way to interpret "multiply". It is what it is. Heavenly Father wants us to have children. His sacred work can't go forth without the opportunity for all of His spirit children to come to earth and experience it. He says the best way for souls to get the most out of their earth experience is through good parents. A man and a woman who love each other. I may have already had my children, but that doesn't mean I am done with this work. I have to be a good parent to them and a good wife to Kyle. There is always room for improvement.

Subdue the Earth was a tricky part. I didn't really understand it the first time and had to re-read the section. The second time I understood. It isn't actually about subduing the Earth, it's about learning to live in it. We face challenges and temptations everyday. Our technology increases those temptations exponentially, by putting them at our fingertips. Subduing the Earth is really about overcoming the natural man. Becoming a master of oneself allows us to be in the world and not a slave to it.

In the end this talk was a wonderful surprise. I didn't know there was more to the command to be fruitful. I am still working on getting my act together in terms of visiting teaching and fulfilling my callings. Maybe keeping this in mind will help me.

The Sabbath is a Delight- Russell M. Nelson

  https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2015/04/the-sabbath-is-a-delight?lang=eng


   I didn't have a particular topic in mind this morning, so I chose to go to the most recent conference and start there. I have listened to all of these talks however, and the first ones more than the last. And so the last came first.
   There has been a lot of talk about the Sabbath recently. A lot of emphasis is being given to keeping the Sabbath and to Sabbath day activities. In the spirit of transparency, I will you tell you what a typical Sunday looks like around here: We get up and scramble to get read for church. Or we don't. I can't make this fully transparent without admitting to the occasional lack of drive in the morning. If we've had a particularly late Saturday night, we may roll over and keep on sleeping. Not often. But sometimes.
   Once we are ready we pile in and go to church. In sacrament meeting we wrestle our four children into behaving. Does it work? No. Do I get to hear the messages? Rarely. After closing prayer, the kids run off to primary and I head to my favorite part of church. Nursery, where I drop Lily off. A great feeling of relief comes over me and I collapse into a chair in Gospel Doctrine. Next to my husband. In the corner. Where we both play on our phones for the next hour. Sometimes we'll participate in the discussion or read a scripture, but for the most part I just don't know what is being talked about. Probably because I am not trying very hard.
   Relief Society goes one of two ways: if I am sitting next to a chatty woman, I spend the hour listening to her instead of the lesson. If I am by myself I am probably on my phone still. Giving myself some credit here, Relief Society is actually where I listen the most. I generally like the lessons and Spirit of the class.
  Once home we make nachos for lunch and eat them while watching a recorded episode of the Tonight Show. Pretty sure that isn't what Elder Nelson has in mind in terms of Sabbath worship. Next we'll go our separate ways. Kids will watch a movie upstairs, and we'll watch TV downstairs or in our room. If it's football season, Kyle will watch football and I'll take a nap. I can't even pretend I will be changing the napping part. It isn't going to happen. Best part of the Sabbath.
   Elder Nelson asks if the Sabbath is truly a delight in our homes. Is it? I don't think so. It's kind of an excuse to be lazy, because we can't go anywhere. So, how do I change that? Not just for me, but for my family. He goes on to talk about a few things we can be doing to make it count. One was teaching our children. I actually did this on Sunday. Not that I spent a great deal of time on it, but we are working towards Adam's Faith in God award, so we talked a little bit about the articles of faith. We can do family history. Third is quality family time. I like the non-specificity of that. Perhaps quality time to us is taking a nap in the same room, or watching a movie together. I kind of think he means a little more bonding type activities,
   Last was service. I have a hard time with this idea. I don't like Kyle leaving to do Home Teaching on a Sunday. I think anything that pulls him away from us on a day off isn't necessarily good. However, I was talking to Kyle about how we could get our Home and Visiting teaching done together. I was wondering if we all went in the car together to visit our families, if it would work. Maybe just being in the car would give our kids the vision of their parents serving and caring for others. And we could involve them before hand in making a treat or a hand out. I don't know. I am still workshopping that idea.
  In closing, at the beginning of the talk, Elder Nelson said he had an easy time figuring if an activity was Sunday appropriate by asking himself one question: "What sign do I want to give to God?" Do I want him to see that my own laziness is more important than the one day he asks be devoted to Him? If I can't spend one day doing what He asks of me, can I expect Him to answer my prayers? I ask a lot of my Heavenly Father, I'd hate for Him to treat me the way I sometimes treat Him. Maybe my Sundays need a makeover.

Make the Exercise of Faith Your First Priority- Richard G. Scott

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/10/make-the-exercise-of-faith-your-first-priority?lang=eng#watch=video


I began this journey with a hope of doing better by my own testimony. However, any mother can tell you that if she is not doing all the nuances of her discipleship, it is likely she is failing in her stewardship of her children. I carry a lot of mom guilt. It isn't just the natural feelings of not doing enough, that all mothers carry. I'm actually a pretty lazy person and my mom guilt is totally deserved. My kids wear their everyday clothes to bed because I know if they wear pajamas every night, my laundry load doubles. Are you understanding my motherhood yet?

Relief Society yesterday was, of course, on the Sacred Calling of Mothers. I love the way these things are worded. We get "The Sacred Calling of Mothers" and the men get "Father, Consider Your Ways." Moms are put on such a pedestal for all we do, but sometimes, I think we need the hash wording reserved for fathers. Maybe that is just me. Maybe there should be a lesson titled, "Christina, Consider Your Ways!" Exclamation point.

This lesson, by Ezra Taft Benson outlines 10 things mothers (and fathers) need to be doing. Ten specific ways I am failing. Man, I love church some days. So, when considering what talk I wanted to read this morning, I focused on one particular failure of mine: Family Home Evening. It's not that we don't ever have FHE, but our batting average is around .100. So, I went to lds.org and searched for conference talks on Family Home Evening. This talk by Richard G. Scott was the most recent one that came up, so he's my winner.



   I knew from the title of this talk that it was going to be a little bit more stern, I like that. I need some sternness in my life. He starts by talking about the Fall of Adam and Eve and how opposition in all things came to be and how it is necessary for our happiness. While interesting, I had no idea how this applied to the principle I was trying to study and I'll be honest, my eyes glazed over a bit. He talked about challenges and how life is hard. We came to be tested and made strong. We know these things. We've heard them since primary. I guess repetition is good for the soul. He brought me back by saying "Our Father in Heaven has given us tools to help us come unto Christ and exercise faith in His Atonement. When these tools become fundamental habits, they provide the easiest way to find peace in the challenges of mortality."

   Okay, so now I see the tie in. We are going to talk about exercising faith as a way to meet the challenges we will face.

   He outlines four essentials. While Sunday School-ish in simplicity, the reminder is that these things are there for our use. They are there to help us overcome. Not as another thing our Heavenly Father counts to make sure we are good disciples, but tools that helps us survive mortality.

Prayer: I had two favorite lines from the part on Prayer. "Parents, help safeguard your children by arming them morning and night with the power of family prayer." I am not great at this. I pray by myself, on my knees, at night. And sometimes we pray together. A few times a week. Not enough. And "Family prayer should be a nonnegotiable priority in your daily life." Boom. Sternness. Richard G. should drop the mike.

Scripture Study: He connects scripture study to prayer by saying (paraphrasing) that we speak to God in prayer, He speaks back through scriptures. It is important to read scriptures with our children so they can understand that voice of God. Wow, right? I don't think I've heard a reason for scripture reading put so succinctly. It makes me understand why it is so important.

Family Home Evening: Don't make it an afterthought. Have a grand time together. Nothing new. No mike drops.

Temple Attendance: Last year Kyle and I went 12 times in 12 months. We were so proud of meeting our once a month goal. Perhaps we felt it was exhausting, or just that one year was good enough. in 2015 we didn't get to the temple until July. Yikes and Shame! In a talk about exercising your faith to feel peace, this one stands out. Where do you feel more peace than at the temple? Elder Scott says that by doing these four things we are accepting Christ's invitation to come unto Him, and isn't He after all the Prince of Peace?

   I am going to try a lot harder to do all of these things. I have plenty of time in the day and really all of these things should be nonnegotiable. I'm going to fail. I know because I've tried before. And I'll try again.

   I can't close better than he did. "I testify that as we actively come unto Him, we can endure every temptation, every heartache, every challenge we face, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen."

Something New

    Summer is an interesting time for my family. We are able to spend so much extra time together. We travel, we do fun activities, we laugh together. However, I found this summer to be difficult for me. We spent 6 Sundays away from church for various reason. They were all legitimate reasons, we weren't just sleeping at home, but 6 weeks is a rather long absence.

   I was shocked to feel the influence of this departure from church. I've always assumed I'd kind of made it. Not that I'm celestial bound just yet, but that I was doing fine and didn't really need the weekly fortification. This was also about the time we stopped reading the scriptures together every night. We had just become "too busy". Slowly, I began to lose some of my steadfastness. I'm not admitting to any bad behavior, more of a lazy, nonchalant feeling about that gospel and about choosing the right.

   There have been times in my life where I was able to quote scripture and conference talks to lift friends from their hard places. I'm not at the other end of that. I'm not spiraling toward defection or inactivity, but I'm not as strong as I know I can be or as strong as I have been.

   I had an idea yesterday in church. I like to think it was inspiration, but I sometimes have a hard time deciphering my voice from that of the Spirit. It is a talent I am still working to develop. I am going to read a church talk every morning and record my thoughts about it. I can't imagine anyone is out there reading. If you are, welcome! If not, well, someday maybe my kids will wonder what their mom's testimony looked like. Maybe they will find that they are not in a place of major strength and be able to see some value in studying everyday. Or maybe they will just need ideas for a talk and steal something from me. 

   I am pretty excited about starting this. I already have my first talk picked out and everything. Don't hold me to everyday, because life, but I will try my best.