I'm ashamed

I have failed big time at keeping up the blog. I started a job about 3 months ago and it has kept me busy. Any free time that I have is spent... Well if I had any free time I could finish that sentence. 3 kids + a man-child husband + a job + Adam's school + Levi's therapy + laundry and other house crap = absolutely no free time. I have so many things I need to do.
How I would love to put up a Christmas tree or scrapbook the 400 pictures I printed recently or even take a nap. Nope. Never gonna happen. As it is this entry is being written only because I am on a two day vacation to Utah. Kyle's friend got married this morning and we have a little bit of time before the reception. I've had 3 free hours today. Who knew it was possible?
Then it's go go go. Back to life. Back to the grind. Back to insanity. I don't recall a time in my life where I've felt quite so burned out. It would probably help if I liked my job. This wasnt supposed to be a depressing post. I'm not depressed. I'm just BUSY!

Game Night

We recently moved into a small apartment. When we did, game night was cancelled indefinitely. We just thought there was no way it would be fun in a small crowded environment. We sold our couches, so there wouldn't even be places for people to sit.
Two weeks ago some of my family members came to visit me at work and begged for game night to be back on. With a heavy heart I told them there was no way. We are just too uncomfortable here. But I've missed my friends and my family. We decided to have a trial night. We crammed around the table and played games. We ended by 11 PM. Anyone who has been to game night before knows this means utter failure. If people leave before the cock crows something is amiss.
We tried it again this week.
Shame on us, but game night was over at 11 again.
We suck.
We started to wonder if there would ever be redemption for our long held tradition.
On Saturday, Sydney and Felicia came up to watch Adam's soccer game. They stayed all day and into the night. You would think by night time they would be tired of us. Yet, the party raged on. Brock, Whitney, Bryan, and Clayton and Melanie all joined us. We sat around the family room without couches. We sat on tables, floors, and kitchen chairs. No one minded. No one complained. The house didn't empty till after 2 AM.
We had so much fun with our family. I think that's the best part of it too. Every person that comes is family, in some way. Felicia is definitely my sister, which makes Bryan the slightly strange in-law. Mel is married in and since Brock is dating Sydney he has a temporary pass. We got to feeling good. We even took turns saying things we loved about each other. Isn't that sweet? Doesn't it bring a tear to your eye? It almost did to mine. We all know I'm a cry baby though. Anyway, the point is....
Game night is back!!!!

Times I've cried in the last two days.

1. When I got a review at work. My bosses focused a wee bit on the negative and crushed all feelings of pride I had in the job I was doing. Also, I am aware that I set feminism back a couple of decades by crying in the workplace. Sue me.
Emotion - Let down

2. While I was cleaning at work. The mere memory of the review made me well up. No drops actually escaped so I'm not sure this counts.
Emotion - Frustration

3. Work again. Trying to sell personal training to two of the craziest women I've ever met. They interrupted each other and told me about the other one's problem. Another "near-tear." This one actually made me well up because I cannot laugh in a customer's face and I was trying so hard to hold in the outburst that it broke through to my eyes.
Emotion - Near hysteria

4. When I got home and told Kyle about my review.
Emotion - Anger

5. Listening to the kids sing If I listen With my Heart in the car this morning.
Emotion - Gratitude

Life's a rollercoaster.

Either that or I'm bipolar...

California weather

Last night I got home at 9 PM. I was boiling and I asked Kyle to turn the air down. Today it is 1 PM and I'm freaking freezing! What is up with the world?!
Global warming perhaps?
Second coming maybe?
Most likely it was the energy drink I had at work making me sweat buckets.
Still, whatever happened to the gradual progression of seasons? Who does this weather think it is, changing on me so quickly!? I haven't had a chance to buy winter clothes for anyone or to get my boots out of storage.
....
Oooh! Boots!
Turtlenecks!
And I can gain 5 or so pounds and wear a thick sweater; noone has to know. Plus, pumpkin pie!!! Maybe I didn't think this whole rant through very well. Who am I to tell nature its job?

Emancipation

I kicked Caleb out of the house today. I'm not ready for this crap. He isn't even 4 years old. What a brat! Ugh!

It started like a lot of the battles in my house start. One of the boys, Caleb in this anecdote, was bugging Levi till he cried. I put Caleb in his room.
Caleb said he wouldn't do it again. But he'd already done the crime and he knows very well what the penalty is. So, he still had to serve his time. He cried. He screamed. He yelled, "I hate you!!!!"
Yeah.
Hold everything!
a. How does he even know to say that? Kyle and I don't say that kind of thing. I vaguely remember watching a show with them recently where the kid did that. No joke, I even wondered about the influence they were getting.
b. Nice try. I'm the only person on this planet that loves that kid enough to deal with him constantly. I know people might say that's silly, but try dealing with someone else's child for a while and see how unconditional you feel.
I took him outside to the front porch and I told him he can go find a family he likes, because I will not take care of someone that hates me; I shut the door in his face. He cried quite loudly and honestly, I felt like a wonderful trailer park family. Oh well, extreme times, ya know. I told him he could come back and live with us once he apologized. I left him out there another 10 seconds or so and then he said he was sorry. I let him in but sent him to his room. For good measure, I cried and told him he hurt my feelings. Not in a sweet "let's hug it out" way but in a "you can stay in room cause you're mean" way. I know it was totally childish, but sometimes it seems like they understand that better.
I'm pretty tough as a mom and this didn't get under my skin. The crying is, I'm sure, misleading. Trust me, it was just a bit of theatrics.
TBS seems to promote the idea that you aren't a good parent till your kid says they hate you. I must be an awesome parent; most folks have to wait till their kids are teenagers.

Murphy's Law

You know, I have no idea who Murphy is, but I think he must have been kind of a jerk. How else do you explain that the first day Adam wears his white uniform shirt is also the day they use blue paint?
Stupid $12 shirt is now a rag.
Screw you too, Murphy!
Ya jerk...

My kindergardener.

I was surprised at how well I did today. My first child went off to school. I shed no tear and felt no choking up. In fact, I was a little mad at him for getting weepy.
He got his first Father's blessing last night and that made me way more emotional. Maybe I just got it all out so I wouldn't ruin my makeup today. Or maybe I was just so thrilled to get a break from the little hellion that I was pleased to see him start his education.... Who knows?
Side note, I showed up to school at 12 to get him. He was in the principal's office. How come no one told me school ended at 11:40?!?
To be fair, there were 2 kids left in there. Out of all 20 or so students, I am only the 3rd to worst parent. Yay, me! And hahahaha to the two suckers I beat out!
Here's a picture of my sweetness.

Testimony

I don't like to bear my testimony. I never have. Even when I was 13 and at girls' camp I couldn't make myself do it. I've always had a secret fear that it was because I didn't have a testimony. I've always wondered if the right trial would come one day that blew me off course like I was nothing.
As I look at my trials though I realize I'm not doing so bad. Each time the refiner's fire grabs me I count my blessings, I pray, I fast. I do all the things ive been taught and I hold tight to my faith.
I've read a comparison of a testimony to light. For some people the light flicks on and all the darkness disappears. No more doubt or fear. For others a testimony starts small like a candle, building slowly but surely till they've got a raging fire. I figure is why I've wondered previously. I'm a candle kind of a girl. No angels have administered and the spirit has never been physically audible to me. But I've never doubted Heavenly Father's love for me, my testimony of Joseph Smith has always been in tact, and, most importantly, my love of the Savior and gratitude for the Atonement have always been strong. As my lines build and my precepts stack up, I find that the darkness is dissipating and I've got a light every bit as good as those that started with 90 watts.
I have a strong testimony of Heavenly Father's love for me. I know he looks after me and I know He hurts when I hurt. He gives me trials for the experience they provide. If I knew nothing else, this would get me pretty far.
A little bit of my testimony is built upon my marriage. I believe that Heavenly Father led me to Kyle early in my life because He knew that I needed him. He knew without him I'd make a mess of things. Kyle is my perfect match. He has every quality that I lack and though I don't believe in soul mates, I have a hard time thinking we are just two random wanderers who got lucky.
I'm grateful for the temple and for eternal families. The sealing ordinance is a great proof to me of Heavenly Father's love. I couldn't imagine heaven without my sweet family. All of them, Kyle, the boys, my parents, my siblings. I even look forward to seeing grandma Mary Jane again someday.
This was kind of random, I know, but I felt I needed to share my testimony and this is a much better option for me than public speaking.

Does this count?

Holy super bug from Hell!!!

Just when I think it's over,
Just when it should be through,
I find another family member
Curled around the loo.
First twas Adam and Levi
Then Kyle did succumb.
Poor Adam got a second round,
Mostly out his bum!
I finally got the ickies,
In bed a day or two.
And now it's back for Caleb.
I hate this fricken flu!!!!

Just thought this angry post needed a little rhyme and meter. Seriously though, my house has had the stomach flu going on about a month. Just when we're done with it we get it again!!!!

Make us one

Well they did it. The vows have been said and the cake has been eaten. It was a beautiful reception. Honestly much better than I was expecting. I am glad! In my head it was shaping up to be a disaster.
The sealing itself was also very nice. I'm jealous that grandpa Eddie got to seal them. It's so great to have someone who really knows you be the one to perform the ceremony. Not that my guy was bad. We still recall a few of the things that were said in our sealing and so many of them have come to fruition. All of the sealers are blessed with the spirit. It is just extra special to have the person counseling you be family.
The thing that stuck out to me in the sealing was the counsel to become one. It was reiterated over and over: become one, become selfless, your spouse is more important than you are. I have to chuckle at this a little bit. Of course the whole point of marriage is becoming one, but grandpa's counsel seemed tailor made to Clayton and melanie's particular relationship. Good luck my dearies! The first year is usually an... adjustment. Who am I kidding?! It's usually a pretty rough one!
And as for my last horn tooting for setting them up...
TOOT! TOOT! TOOT!

Fricken flu. (round 4)

The flu is out of control right now. It kicked off 3 weeks ago with Levi. Tiny man barfed several times over the course of two days.
Adam got it next. Spurred into action by a six flags ride, the flu caught us unprepared. 4 stops just on the way to the car.
Then a week and a half goes by. Life is quiet. There are no midnight sheet changes. No Pedialite administering needed. Caleb was the lucky one.
I know it isn't only Sacramento. Parker got it 3 hours away. Stupid bug hitch-hiked to Susanville.
Next Jaden. Puke and poop. Poor baby still has it. Most get it for 24 hours. Jaden has had it for 6 people now.
Caleb finally succumbs. A new element greets us. Diarrhea. Yes, the brown monster rears it's runny head.
The circle comes to a close with Adam. Since beginning this post I've been called away twice to pat his back and whisper comfort. He's a tough man. He told me he had it and I could go clean up. Thanks. Guess he's a puke master by now.
I'm exhausted and my babies are all dehydrated. They can't afford the weight they are losing.
Full circle is where things usually end right?

Like a bear to hot wings

Yeah. It's a saying.

I made it up this morning at 2 AM. See, that's when a hungry bear found my mom's leftovers from Chili's. I hate to admit my scaredy-cat-ed-ness, but I was terrified. The bear was ripping apart the box at our picnic table. 10 feet away from our tent. I was shaking and freaking out. Later he tripped on one of the ropes holding our tent up. I was sure he was going to become enraged and tear the thing apart.

Every breath of the boys' became a snarl in my ear. Everytime one of them rolled over I was sure it was a bear footstep. I've never been so scared in my life. I don't even wanna stay camping the next two nights.

Of course, even if a bear does rip our tent apart tonight I probably won't notice. I'm working on a hour or two of sleep...

Wish granted

We went to six flags today. Actually, as I write this, mom, Levi and I are chillin in Toon Town waiting for the boys/men to return from the swings.
I should preface my story with telling you Levi is sick. He has kept nothing down in almost 48 hours. The doctor told me to give him pedialite exclusively until he can keep it down.
Mom doesn't like rules.
She decided to give Levi a bit of cherry. As I watched a tiny tiny little taste of cherry go in his mouth I said, "I hope that if that little bit of food makes him barf, he gets it all over your nice white shirt."
Wish granted.

Poop is funny!

Here are a couple of things Caleb said within a 20 minute period that made me laugh.

First off, Adam was singing the Farmers insurance jingle. Altered of course. "we are Farmers! Da da da da poop poop poop!"

This gave Caleb the giggles. He said "sing it again!" but Adam had moved on to other obnoxiousness. Caleb, the sweet little simpleton, had to improvise: "we are poop farmers!" hah!

I wonder what poop farmers do...

Second story. Sorry for the TMI on this one, but I still think it's worth sharing.

Occasionally the boys take too long to eat. An hour will go by and I'm still having to remind them why they are at the table. Today we went to Six Flags. At around 8 PM we were finally home and eating dinner. Because the boys had fallen asleep on the drive home I was planning on letting them stay up late and watch a movie. But not if dinner took an hour.

Kyle was in charge of turning on the movie, but said he would do it after he, um, took care of business, if you catch my drift. Knowing it was all taken care of, I went upstairs. Pretty soon I hear Caleb's pitter patter and then a knock on the downstairs bathroom door.

"Hey Daddy, don't be done pooping okay? Stay on the toilet until we are done eating!"

I know people may not find this quite as hilarious as I did, but maybe it made you chuckle.

Levi

My sweet Levi is a funny little boy. I know I called him a dud in a preceeding post. That's not really the case. I mean, yes he's a little slow; yes, he needs physical therapy to catch up; yes, he probably would be content to let others wait on him hand and foot the rest of his life.

Let's be honest, who of us wouldn't like that last one? And while we're on the subject, who among us hasn't needed the occassional cattle prod to force movement?

That's just me?

Ah. That would make a lot of sense....

Like mother, like son then, eh?

Levi is also sweet and smiley and cuddly and he has the best Spongebob teeth since Eva Marie. He's a happy boy who behaves very well. He sits in his stroller or his car seat without complaining. He is as content to watch movies as he is to sit down to a heaping pile of Cheerios.

I can't believe my tiny man is almost 1. (That may be cause he looks and acts like he's around 8 months... on a good day...) I just love him and I'm so happy the little guy is in our family.

I'm even over the fact that he wasn't a girl.

Mostly.

Sometimes.

Okay, so I put bows in his hair and call him Luvenia. Is that so bad?!

I kid, I kid.

This post is all over the place, huh? If you take one thing away from it, it should be that I love Levi. If you take away two... well then you understand what's happening here better than I do.

Good morning, now have a bad day.

Have you ever aggravated your spouse so much before 9 AM that you know their gonna be pissy all day? Isn't it a shame to waste a day when people wake up on the right ride of the bed? Why oh why, did I drag Kyle, kicking and screaming, to the wrong side?

It started yesterday actually. I went out to the car to get juice boxes for the boys.

This morning I went to finish cleaning my stuff out of the car... Oops. Left the door open. Lghts are not coming on. Holy shiz for brains, I have to tell Kyle I killed the car. He was not happy.

I made the boys and me eggs for breakfast, there weren't enough for Kyle, so I had to make a second batch. I lost control of the carton and two eggs took a tumble. All the king's horses and all the king's men, couldn't scrub clean the mess again. So into the wash the kitchen rugs went. I ended up giving Kyle my eggs. (I honestly wasn't trying to get on his bad side!)

Kyle got into the shower. "why is there no water pressure?!?!?) oh yeah, washer is running. He also had to eat a second breakfast cause he ate my breakfast and the amount of a dieting woman does not satisfy a 28 year old man.

I wasn't trying to piss the man off. In fact, I was trying pretty hard to make him have a good morning. Guess that was a big fat failure!

Favorites

I have a favorite child. Admit it, you do too.

I don't love the others less. I just like them less. Is that horrible? I won't say who it is, but I'll give you a hint. It isn't the whiny one or the dud. Kyle's favorite is the dud, which just makes me feel bad for the whiny one. He's such a sweet boy, but must every sound out of his mouth be a whine?

Recently my favorite has been a delight to be with. He is polite and obedient and as funny as they come.

Honestly when I'm with the other two and they are behaving I like them just as much. The dud cuddles me and makes me feel like a million bucks. When we are separated I miss him the most. The whiner also has his plusses. That smile and his intense love for me. He would play with my hair and hug and kiss me all day if I let him. I think Heavenly Father made them love me extra so that they could stay in my good graces.

Still...

Put 'em in a lineup and I'd pick the same one every time.

Hef called, He wants his style back

My family was at the mall yesterday with Whitt, Amber and Ashley. We were just browsing, walking around, having a good time. We ended up in Fredricks of Hollywood. We are all just walking around seprately looking at different things. Pretty soon we hear Adam in a very dramatic voice say, "Oh Please marry me, my darlings!" He was in the window display talking to two rather scantily clad mannequins. We nearly died laughing. As we continued watching he stoked their arms and faces and gave them kisses. He was talking to them in a voice too low to hear. I think he was hashing out wedding details. It was just about the funniest thing I've ever seen him do. And the most reassuring. No sexual confusion for Adam, he knows exactly what he likes!

Priorities of a 4 year old

Today Caleb did a bratty thing. The turned the lock on my bedroom door and then walked out. "I locked the door!" He told me proudly. My door is the kind with just a hole in the middle. I have no key or instructions as to how it is opened. Levi was on the floor of my room. I sent Caleb to his room immediately while I tried to get my baby out.

While I was sticking things in the hole to figure out how to open it, Adam started freaking out. "We'll never get Levi out again!" It was the funniest freak out. He was turning circles and screaming about Levi cause he didn't know what he should be doing. It was kind of sweet. Unnecessary, but kind of sweet. I finally got him calm. He bucked up a little and put on a brave face. Then he says, "but we'll never get to play on your iPod or my Leapster again," and he breaks back down into tears.

What a funny booger. I'm convinced it was his video games that he was concerned about the whole time, not his brother.

Ps. We got the door open and Levi was just dandy. He had backed himself into my bathroom and he wasn't very happy about the cold floor, but he was fine.

Rude

Sometimes I get snappy with my kids through no fault of their own. Don't judge me. You do it too. You're going along, having a bad day, and the tiny thing the little kid does gets a much bigger reaction than it warrants.

This morning all Caleb did was ask for a drink. He even said "please." But, it was about the 5th time he'd asked and I was trying to make breakfast.

My, "No, Caleb, I already told you to give me a minute," came out with a tone.

He oh-so-innocently asked, "Mommy, why are you rude to everyone?"

So I sent him to his room.

Family Pictures

We just took these a week or so ago. I hope you like them.

Whoops-a-daisy!

I am acutely aware that caffeine has the potential for addiction. My mom reached a point where she was drinking about 10 diet pepsis a day. 10 pepsis a day kept the headache away! New mantra perhaps? Well, it isn't a very good one. She got horrible headaches and finally quit the juice cold turkey. Way to go Mom!
This last week Kyle and I have been traveling. Los Angeles and st. George, ut took us somewhere close to 12 days away from home. Fun trip. Exhausting. Can't wait to get home. (I'm writing for the car, about 1 hour out.) Can't wait to have a big glass of ice cold water! You heard me. One of the reasons I can't wait to get home is for my blessed water.
I am what is known as a water snob, someone who grew up on deliciously filtered water and can drink nothing else. Utah's water leaves much to be desired. As you sip what should be tasteless your tongue instead senses every mineral the water ever came in contact with. If you are very good you may actually swallow. If you are less good, but fear dehydration, you might just reach for the Diet Coke. Stupid tolerance, and dependence and all that. I drank Diet coke and little else for almost two weeks. Oh wait, there were two Rockstars thrown in there too. No wonder I have this dang headache.

Crap.

I finally reached my goal weight. Well, within one pound. That's close enough to count right? I hit it the day we were in Los Angeles. The day we happened to go swimming. The day I rocked my bathing suit. That was one week ago. It may as well have been a lifetime ago. Vacation is bad for diets. It's bad for maintaining goal weights. It's bad all around. I gained back the 4 pounds already. Fantastic.
I lost weight so I wouldn't feel like a fat heifer on my birthday. Two weeks ago. Heifer-hood has returned.
At the risk of sounding totally selfish, I think I am going to put off getting pregnant again (with my girl aka last baby) just so that I can enjoy being skinny in the summer. There is just nothing like the feeling of not feeling like a whale of a tale. It's funny cause you wouldn't think 4 pounds would make that big of a difference. Well know this, my fine followers, 4 pounds a muffin top makes!
Sorry for the rambling, I'm just a wee frustrated. Being skinny for one day just isn't enough.

Goodnight and big balls

This is the fun my fam got to have today while I watched the kids. This is the wipeout Facebook page.
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10150150064132880&set=pu.23848612879

Talents

I am a woman of many talents. Scratch that. I am a woman of many interests. As to how talented I am... Well, I would say that I fall between a 2-6 on a 1-10 scale for most things.
Cooking - 2
Scrapbooking - really depends on what year. Somewhere between a 6-7
Sewing - 1.5
Blogging - depends on your criteria. I fail at putting up pictures, but I'm pretty consistent at least. 5-7?
Mothering- ask me tomorrow.
I like to think that reason I don't excel at any one thing is just because I try to do too many. Oooh I forgot
Piano playing - 1
Conducting primary singing time - 8. (that's right! Little people like me.)
I have tried crochet, candle making, and very soon I look forward to getting a 0.5 on gardening. Heaven forgive what I will do to those plants. One of my very favorite hobbies is writing. This is probably why I'm above a 2 on blogging. I love to write. If I had any idea how to get started, I would try to be an author. I don't know what I would write about. I've considered it before, but I just can't think of anything people would be interested in reading. I started with writing poetry, as I think most teenagers do. But instead of emo, black nail polish poetry, I write flouncy, bouncy silliness. I guess that is what inspired this whole post. I was recently looking through an old folder of stuff and I found one of my very favorite poems. I wanted to share it here. I know it's silly, but it's one of my favorites. (yes, even though it involves swearing!)

Magic mirror on the wall

Magic mirror, on the wall,
Am I pretty, thin, and tall?
Should I lose a few lbs?
And pump the gals a few CCs?
Would Botox for my face be right
To help the anti-aging fight?
Do I need color for my greys?
Perhaps my tush deserves a raise.
Wuld bleach and wax remove all hair?
Should I tan or stay real fair?
Liposuction could be great
To rid me of unwanted weight.
That Barbie b**** can kiss my a**
cause soon her beauty I'll surpass.
Magic mirror, let me know
How to make my beauty show.

Worst. Dream. Ever.

Last night I dreamt that I was driving and Levi was on my lap. The other two were in the back. Something distracted me and I lost control of the car. We ran off into a ditch. It was deep and full of water. As the water started trickling into the car I knew I had to act. I got Adam out of his seat and got Levi. I unrolled the window and as the water came gushing in we fought our way out. We were okay. 1 minute back on the side of the road later, I realized I'd forgotten Caleb. My sweet Caleb. I jumped back in the water and got him out in time and he was just dandy.
I woke up feeling incredibly guilty. 9 hours later an I haven't shaken the feeling that I'm a horrible person and mother. I'm suddenly terrified that I don't love my kids as much as other moms do. Would I be one of these miraculous women who lifted a car to get her baby out?
I started thinking about loving my kids. And I really really do. I adore them. I think I could lift a car. I think maybe it's the boy to girl ratio that throws me. I definitely don't pretend to understand the running/jumping/wrestling sex. I don't understand why yelling is a valid form of communication. I don't understand why Kyle and I are woken up with cannon balling children. And oh the fighting!!!!
I love those boys, but what if they annoy me more than 50% of the time? Does that make me a bad parent or simply a parent?

Poker

Every Friday night we have game night here at my house. I love it. We play all sorts of games. We play mafia, signs, poker, and really anything else we feel like. This last week there weren't many people available. And by not many, I mean that there were a total of ten. While only 8 of us were there we played fear factor poker. This means the first person who goes out has to be subjected to something horrible that we decide on before we play. We considered habanero peppers, disgusting kitchen concoctions, shots of syrup... truly horrible things. We settled on spankings. If a boy lost, each of the other three boys got to spank him with a wooden spanking spoon. If a girl lost, girls got to spank her. This ensured that girls didn't get beaten quite as bad. Troy lost first, then Kyle, then Sydney. I have lots of videos. For some reason I can't get the videos to load. This is the only one that is working, but it certainly isn't the best. Here is Kyle getting spanked.



First Troy spanked him. Then Brock Tovar spanked him, then Brian Camuso spanked him. When Brian spanked him the spoon split into three pieces and flew across the room. The sound you hear is the smaller piece hittings the wall. Someone could have lost an eye. Here's what the spoon looked like.



Just a typical Friday night at our house...

Cold Dead Places

I love seeing a man cry. Not a lot obviously. I don't want a wahhh baby that I have to deal with, but showing a little sensitivity never killed anyone. It makes a manly man somehow just a tiny bit sexier.
Kyle and I were recently talking to someone about emotion. We joked about how Kyle is not an extremely emotional being. He didn't cry when our kids were born and he doesn't cry when he gets hurt (swears like a sailor though). We joke about his cold, dead heart, but I feel okay knowing that any times there have been cracks in the facade it's been for me.
Then we watch Secret Millionaire. It's a show where people move somewhere and meet the local volunteers, then gift them with large amounts of money to help their causes.
Suddenly,
LO and BEHOLD!
Tears!
Real, wet, salty pools of emotion.
They fill his eyes...
they brim...
here they come!!!
waiting......
Nope.

Good job sweetie, you've, once again, successfully proven your Tin-Man likeness.

ps. Kyle has since told me that one lone tear leaked out of his left eye, the one facing away from me. Perhaps he's not a tinman? Or perhaps he doesn't want the world to know about his cold dead places and is trying to hide them behind a turned face excuse? You decide.

My Sanity

Both of my boys are in preschool groups. It's just done among the moms and we take turns with the kids. Caleb's preschool is more of a playgroup, as people think they might be too young for letters and lessons. Friday was my turn. The first two hours went great. The last half hour.... Well, I usually don't like when people turn movies on, it seems like "hello, my kid can do that at home!" But I am a changed woman. When 7 little boys got the runs, by which I mean they decided to run and scream, I found movie time was a life saver. Here they are.

I'm Spoiled

When Kyle's parents come into town, it's sort of a tradition to go shopping at JCPenney. Kyle's mom worked there for about 25 years and gets a great discount. We buy clothes, we buy shoes, we buy makeup. (SO glad Sephora moved into JCPenney!) I've never gone into housewares before. This time, Kyle took a trip to housewares while I was perusing the clothing.
End of story is I got a $400 Kitchen Aid Artisan stand mixer for $45!!!! That's right. 45! Here are all the things that added up to my amazingness:
1. It was the last of its kind.
2. It was the display.
3. Being the display, someone had stolen one of the attachments ($14 on kitchenaid.com)
4. Alana's 15% discount.
5. The 30% coupon scratcher.
All those things added up to my pretty new red Kitchen Aid. Yay for me!

Oh, to be tiny!

Laundry is not high on my list of likes. The joy I get from seeing those mountains of stained, soiled clothing is about the same amount of joy I derive from a papercut or a hang nail. I try to keep up, but in a house of 5, it's nearly impossible.
Today I only had one load to fold. On lists of pleasure one load is a -1. 0 is of course complete apathy, and 10 is ecstacy. Each load takes the number farther into the negative. I have never hit a -10...
I digress.
Today I had only one load of laundry to fold. Levi was at my feet playing in his gym. I dive in. You know how you whip laundry sometimes? It gets stuck or crinkly and you grab the top and snap it down? It makes that cool pop sound that you know would hurt a butt if they happened to meet? Anyone? Bueller?
I did that with something. 5 feet below my head someone busts out in giggles. Who knew this was funny? Levi is still at an age where the biggest laughs come from face to face time. He likes peek-a-boo and he likes when the boys play with him. (mostly)
Still, for some reason, this piqued his interest.
I tried again.
SNAP.
HAHAHHAHAH
SNAP.
HAHAHHA
It got to the point where each time I picked up a new piece of laundry he would kick his legs and flap his arms in anticipation. Then,
SNAP.
HAHAHAH
I didn't even have to look at him. But then, how do you not look at a baby with the giggles. So cute. He did it the entire time. Every piece of laundry was acknowledged with tiny joy. For probably the first and last time of my life, I was sad to see the bottom of the laundry basket.

Charity Never Faileth

There are certain people in my life that stress me out. I mean more than I can stand sometimes. To the point where I just wanna get away, it's either that or yell. I'm more of a bottle it up kind of person though. I don't wanna hurt their feelings even when mine are hurt. So, I just get mad and stew and stew until I lash out.

Recently, after spending time with one such person, I read a conference article. Trust good old President Tommy (That's right, not just first name, but nickname basis) to put me in my place. I wasn't even home yet when I came across this gem. I was so ashamed and also kind of mad. He doesn't know what I go through! Then I remembered that Jesus knows everything we go through. And that sweet guy was a turn-the-other-cheek-er.

Now, I'm way too far away from being Christ-like to take undeserved punishment, but this talk kind of helped me see past my own annoyed feelings to try and see what other people are going through.

Here are a couple of quotes from the talk that hit home:

"I have in mind the charity that manifests itself when we are tolerant of others and lenient toward their actions, the kind of charity that forgives, the kind of charity that is patient.

I have in mind the charity that impels us to be sympathetic, compassionate, and merciful, not only in times of sickness and affliction and distress but also in times of weakness or error on the part of others.

Charity is having patience with someone who has let us down. It is resisting the impulse to become offended easily. It is accepting weaknesses and shortcomings

In a hundred small ways, all of you wear the mantle of charity. Life is perfect for none of us. Rather than being judgmental and critical of each other, may we have the pure love of Christ for our fellow travelers in this journey through life. May we recognize that each one is doing her best to deal with the challenges which come her way, and may we strive to do our best to help out."

This is just some of the talk. I'm sure by reading the parts I picked you can see where I fall short. When people offend me, or do something that is hurtful or wrong to me, I tend to judge. I tend to get offended and I tend to get mad. I have no inclination to turn another cheek. I want to start hitting back instead.

President Monson says don't get pissed off, but try to understand. I will try.

(I'm not sure he would say "pissed off"...)


If you want to read this whole talk (and if you haven't already, you really should, it's amazing!) here is the link:

http://lds.org/general-conference/2010/10/charity-never-faileth?lang=eng

Happy Valentine's Day

Poor Kyle.

I did have plans. I was hoping to have a nice clean house for the man to come home to. Something lacy and cute on the wife, perhaps a great dinner, chocolate covered strawberries as is tradition for us.

What happens instead? I wake up and twinge my neck so bad I can barely move. The house is a disaster. Kyle is picking up Chipotle and anything that should happen after lacy clothing is probably not an option. What a winning Valentine's Day huh? I'm a disappointment to myself!

Dear lingerie,

I hope you have enjoyed your year off. Don't think I've forgotten you or abandoned you to the darkest places in my closet. I see you there each day collecting dust. I hear your snide remarks and I see everytime you recoil in fear. Yes, I know you fear being stretched to the breaking point of pretty lacy things. Do not worry. I have known you weren't ready for this jelly. I know i have caused some abandonment issues. Believe when I tell you, it was for your own good. But fear not, my sweet pinks, blacks, and reds. The time soon approaches for you to be exercised and have a chance to use your skill. Luckily, you have an entire holiday dedicated to your... Talents.
Yours forever,
Christina
Ps. The sweats meant nothing to me. I was thinking of you the whole time.

Primary Talk

Adam gave a talk in primary yesterday. It was his first one. I, unfortunately, forgot about it until Saturday. I had hoped he would have it completely memorized by Sunday. Still, he knew it pretty well and I figured he was ready. I didn't go to church cause I wasn't feeling well. Kyle took the boys. Well, wouldn't you know but that little snot wouldn't perform. He didn't want to sit in the chair for the talk, he didn't want to stand on the step stool, and most of all he didn't want to talk! Piss me off.
This is all he had to say:
"Heavenly Father gave us the scriptures to guide our lives. In them are things we need to know to return to Heaven to live with Him. One example is the Word of Wisdom. It teaches us things Heavenly Father wants us to stay away from, like alcohol. I'm grateful for the scriptures and for Heavenly Father and Jesus. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen."
Long? Nope. Difficult? Not really. Adam can't seem to say the word "guide". He kept saying to "dot our lives". Weird huh? His only hang up was that it was scary to talk in front of people. Silly booger. Next time I will prepare him better...

Halle-fricken-lujah!

My house has been quaratined since Saturday night. Three sick little boys have been making life (and bed time) impossible. They've had fevers in the 102+ range, snot has flowed in delicious green rivers and my every 30 seconds has been punctuated with at least one coughing fit. I think maybe they've had strep throat? I'm not sure. Levi had his first ear infection. Actually, it's the first ear infection I've ever had to deal with. And by deal with, I mean ignore. I'm not one to medicate much and since he seemed on the mend, I decided to forego antibiotics.
Sunday I was the only one to go to church. Monday and Tuesday were movie days. The boys and I cuddled up in bed and didn't leave it practically all day. Occassionally I found something tasty to try to make them eat, unsuccesfully. Lazy, boring, sick days.
Today they are getting better. Crackers and chocolate milk have been palatable to wee ones and the coughing has slowed to once every 45 seconds. They are actually out of bed and playing with toys. Levi has smiled more this morning than he did all the last 3 days.
I am spending this morning washing all sheets and blankets and getting this flu demon out of my house. I hate having sick babies and I'm so glad it's over(ish)!

I'm awesome.

I got a new calling a couple of weeks ago. Out with the piano, in with the... baton? I don't know how the bishopric got it into their heads that I should do something in music. I chalk it up to inspiration. Otherwise I would never be brave or non-lazy enough to take on new callings.

My new calling is Assistant Primary chorister.

What does an assistant chorister do? Why I'm glad you asked. I'm not sure this was a real calling until I got it. The new primary chorister, aka my superior, is heavy with child. I mean heavy. She's got like a month left till the bouncing ball of goo arrives. I was given this calling as a back up for the ticking time bomb. Said ticking time bomb asked me to direct every other week. Well, that sounded like craziness to me, but being one who tries (not always successfully, as my last venture proves) to magnify their calling, I accepted.

Yesterday was my first day behind the stand. I was nervous. I made paper cubes that told who (all those with sisters... etc...) and how (like an opera singer... etc...) they had to sing. Then I thought that idea was lame and I stuffed the cubes in the bottom of my bag, where I was sure they would be crumpled.

Next I decided on a bribe. This seemed like the best way to get in with the younglings. They sang and I tested their knowledge of the new song. Of course I let even the ones who sucked have candy. What are you gonna do?

Besides the bribe I didn't do anything majorly special. I had loads of energy and acted a little silly.

I got a lot of compliments on my singing time. One lady said I was a "shot in the arm" for the room full of old teachers. That was nice. I guess since I fall between the wee folk and the foot-in-the-gravers I can relate to everyone.

My apprehension for this calling has shifted to excitement. I'm pretty sure I will like it. Does that necessarily mean the kids will like it?

Nope.

New Resolutions

Okay, updated list. I had a couple of successes last year, but you will notice some of my resolutions sound an awful lot like last year's failures. For instance:

#1. Finish losing Levi weight. I'm about 8 pounds off

#2. Do 1 load of laundry every day. That might sound like a lot, but in a house with three little boys and one husband it's a necessity. Unless they all want to sleep in dirty sheets for the rest of their lives.

#3. Keep up my scriptures everyday. I did pretty well last year. This year I'll do even better.

#4. Teach Adam to read and write. He doesn't have to be perfect, but I want him to start kindergarden prepared in the fall.

#5. Feed my family better. We are far too partial to pizza and ice cream.

#6. Make the bed Monday through Friday. Up from 3 times last year.

That's it for now. I have a whole list of resolutions that are all family oriented, these are just my personals. I don't know why I feel comfortable revealing mine here and not my family's. My privacy means nothing to me, but my family's does. Weird huh? Anyway, wish me luck!

Stupid Resolutions!

I am all for making goals to better myself. I think it's a great thing to resolve to do better. Do you know what I dislike strongly? When other people's stupid lifestyle fads interfere with my life! I went to the gym yesterday only to find the class I usually take was full of fair weather gym goers. I go ten minutes early to make sure there is room for me. I went about 20 minutes early yesterday only to find that the class had filled up at 4:34, four minutes after the sign up sheet was put out. You know in two weeks you won't be there anymore. Why are you stealing class room from me? I go regularly, not because I resolved to lose ten pounds in two months(which I did of course. Gotta finish last year's goal!).
In closing, people, please give up already. Thank you.

Hooray!

10:30 Church rocks my socks!

Accountability

Last New Years (well, not quite the day, but around that area) I posted my resolutions for the year so that I could be held slightly more accountable. Facing public failure is much worse than private failure. I figure before I make me resolutions for this year, I should see, and let you all see, how I fared last year. Here the original goals are, with how I did.

#1 Lay off procrastinating! Especially in school.
- I did well in school with procrastination. But, I got a calling that I'm unqualified for (in my eyes) that makes me frustrated to the point that I procrastinate and therefore perform much worse. (Do I smell a 2011 resolution forming in my already bountiful list of needed improvements?)
#2 Take my boys to the park more often.
- We moved to a place that has a little park in the complex. The park sucks but they get out and play in the grass. Basically, I've fulfilled this to the lowest degree necessary, but I still count it as a success!
#3 Do more with my kids learning wise.
- Ace for me! Adam is in a preschool, we practice letters and read more. In fact, he's gearing up to be a reader pretty soon.
#4 Make the bed at least 3 times a week.
- Depends on what week....
#5 Read a few inspirational/uplifting books.
- I can't think of a single book that fulfills this requirement. Shame on me.
#6 Get good grades.
- Rock on.
#7 Weigh 125 again by Christmas
- HAH! umm.... nearly?... ish?
#8 Be happy if "she" turns out to be another boy.
- Levi is fantastic. I still wanna call him Levina sometimes, but I don't even dress him in pink anymore...
#9 Family prayer.
- not consistently
FHE
- hardly ever
Scripture reading
- always. This was a three fer, so technically I know that 2 out of 3 is losing, but I consider it a win that I've incorporated scripture into my everyday life. Thank you ldsdailyread.com!

Some of these resolutions didn't have a clear pass/fail. For instance, I probably got an F in bed making, because I fulfilled it less than half the time. But is that really a fail? I don't know....
We shall call it a draw.
Coming soon: 2011 goals from which to fall remarkably short.